Sunday, April 14, 2013
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
When we were kids we wanted to grow old and assume responsibility, we were curious about a lot of things and wanted to try them.
Now that we are adults, we want to be like children—consciously or unconsciously. We want to be stress-free, problem-free. We want to be free from responsibility.
I remember just a little over the death of my father, my perspective of a lot of things changed and I started to become aware of many things, perhaps necessity dictated and demanded. I believe that was the first turning point of my life, and my “official growing up” was way too early, or so I believe.
Part of my new perspective then was that I should be grateful and excited when I recognize I have a trial. When I feel uncomfortable—pain, difficulty, negative emotion—I thought I had new things to be thankful for and to look forward to. I have new things to learn.
When I was a kid, trials or challenges or problems meant new experiences, new lessons, and wisdom.
As I (we) grow older, we think we have had learned more than enough about life, that we are better equipped after all the various experiences we have gone through in life. So we stop being interested about life and we start avoiding pains and stress brought by problems thinking we've had more than enough.
Little do we know that our knowledge of things, our mind map of our lives and our future, needs constant revision, and sometimes major revisions.
We all know that growth—in any area or aspect of our lives—requires pains and taking responsibility as we face our problems. Yet, most of us we ignore this obvious fact. As a result, we avoid responsibility and suffering.
What we don't realize is by avoiding responsibility and suffering, we either let our problems grow as we hide them and deny them, thinking they naturally go away; or we let others handle them for us.
By doing so, we either unconsciously pet our problem like growing a monster we're too scared of or we give away our liberty and control to decide for ourselves. Consequently, either way, we keep our problem and we hamper our own growth.
As adults faced with problems, we tell ourselves now:
1. It's all my fault, but I'm tired of this. I will let it be, anyway all this shall come to pass. (Blaming oneself)
2. It's his/her/their/this world's fault. I have no control over them. Why should I bother myself with his/her/its mess. The heck I care. (Blaming the world)
If we will not take the time to look at things or situations, we will not be able to identify the source of the problem and the significant problem we need to solve.
With our era, where everything is fast paced and new information is available everyday, we must be willing and deliberate in equipping ourselves with skills and knowledge to be able to keep up with time and grow with it.
Let us engage ourselves with our peers. Observe and learn from others.
Most importantly, nurture our relationship with our very own selves. Let us take the time to know ourselves better—skills, weaknesses, strengths, potentials.
Let's live in the now. Face reality. Take accountability. Embrace and accept ourselves. Know, feel, and believe that we are valuable whether people around us perceive us as such or not.
One day we will be surprised, solving life's trials and managing our time for pain and pleasure becomes natural and easy for us. What will be more surprising is, we will naturally become more grateful, blessing expert, and happy persons.
When we know in our deepest fiber that we are valuable, then we start realizing our need for constant growth and the importance of taking hold of our freedom to choose and decide for ourselves are both indispensable parts of having a good life.
And the result?
We become more willing to experience pain and we become more open to new things because we know that through them we become capable of understanding and helping ourselves, and it's ripple effect is we become resilient, understanding of others, generous, and happier than ever... All because we grow and refresh our perspective.
There will always be people and situations that will make our lives difficult, and that's the reality. Our pains or discomfort will always be part of our lives as long as we breathe. Hence, we need to constantly recognize those which are necessary problems and unnecessary ones.
To do that, we must take time to spot the source of the problem; make ourselves comfortable with it; take reasonable time to study the necessary problem; focus; solve it; and learn from it.
Live and act your age. Enjoy your independence in deciding for yourself and utilize your control over whatever consequence your decision may breed—painful or joyful. Take responsibility.
Nonetheless, balance your life by acting your age yet enjoying that childlike gratitude, zeal about life, and courage.
This will always be the reality and you can never escape it: you are in charge of your choices (mind) and your happiness (heart).
Thinking Out Loud in my Boudoir is a column for some of my random thoughts that, perhaps, other ladies my age are also experiencing or thinking of—whether from same vantage point or another. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s just my own voice reverberating in my own world. I will do my best to discriminate my reason in this column, and just write spontaneously the first things and thoughts that a normal lady could think of. Just writing as I think...