Greeting and a thank-you letter to the sweetest man…

Thank you pa for marrying a woman who is strong-willed, independent, and responsible. If you only saw how hard it was for her to raise us up alone, yet successfully braved her way through every financial, emotion, and physical trials, you would be proud of your taste and choice. Giving up nor becoming selfish was never her choice.



1948 ...

You were born shortly after World War 2. I was not surprised why you were named Dulcisimo, and much more, I was not surprised you didn't like it, but learned to love and live your name--very very sweet.

You were really such a sweet, caring, and thoughtful papa.

Thank you pa for letting me experience how it was to have a loving father and witness how a loving husband treated his wife—you followed the trail of mama's cluttered stuff and picked them one by one, engaged her in loving plants and pets, and called her attention when she was getting unbecoming to her parents and siblings.

Thank you papa for the memories we shared in that red-white BonBon folding bed, where we usually hung out—we squeezed ourselves together as I sucked my feeding bottle while pulling the hair of your armpit or pulling your earlobe and you, if not flipping the photo album (which by the way you loved doing because you were proud of the photo captions you made using the cumbersome typewriter), you tell me your teenage stories or stories about work.

I so love and miss those times... Through our frequent conversations I learned a lot and I gained some 'kumpares' and 'kumares' at the age of three.

I remember how you would correct me whenever I called the other treasures, auditors, politicians 'pare' and 'kumay'.

Of the many things you taught me, one thing that stood out most is when you uttered the words "value relationships, especially friendships because a harmonious and love-filled relationship starts from genuine friendship. Nothing, even money or jewels, can replace genuine friends in times of storms and be as genuine to them." I remember in my public speaking class in high school, I even used your words as my springboard for my speech. That’s how proud I am of you.

Thank you for being a doer of what you preached... Your actions made me believe your words, that they're so deeply engraved in my memory that even I was just 3, 4, 5...10 then, until now I vividly remember many of your applied examples. By that, I have become a believer of actions rather than of just plain words and I struggle to be like you. (or both a speaker and a doer, the environment you and mama exposed me to just made me talkative and verbose, or perhaps it was the pig's 'pie' which made me like this).

Thank you for making yourself a wise man... I mean for choosing the right woman to love. When you left your physical body, the 'mama-papa' you left us consistently performs her role responsibly...and even goes beyond it selflessly.

Thank you pa for falling in love with a woman who is funny, playful, and witty... Our home becomes alive when she cracks jokes or hit us with her 'pilosopo' remarks. It's not boring when she's in the mood.

Although I'm wondering pa how you dealt with this woman’s pride, volatility, and messiness. But I thank you for balancing her personality with yours. Since you went home to Him she gradually learned to be yielding, pleasant, cool-headed, and organized (in her own amusing way).

Thank you pa for marrying a woman who is strong-willed, independent, and responsible. If you only saw how hard it was for her to raise us up alone, yet successfully braved her way through every financial, emotion, and physical trial, you would be proud of your taste and choice. Moreover, giving up nor becoming selfish was never her option.

One thing I'm not sure if you would be glad, though—seeing her perform in front of a big crowd dancing. Or perhaps you'd laugh you lungs out as you cheer her then hug her after and treat her to a good dinner because you know how much effortful it is for her to coordinate her right foot with the left.

Thank God, you were a varsity player pa, Boyet wins in international motocross competitions; you were a dancer and singer and student leader, Ken-ken wins in performing arts contests and follows your heart for service even though he was just 3 when you left us...thank God your blood is strong pa. You’d be proud seeing them in the podium receiving awards. But you’d be prouder knowing how mama raised us while mama make her own achievements.

Nonetheless, so much thanks to God that the only woman you chose to live with until your very last breath provided us with all the things we needed—tough love, tough love, tough love, and sweet love.

For through her tough love during our formation stages, we were taught how to survive and stand on our own feet as she silently provided us what we needed, making us believe that we were the ones who made all things happen, but it was really her at our backs pushing us while playing another role beside us challenging us that we couldn't do things well, then go behind again pushing us. I can never forget her tough love to me...then balancing it with her funny side (and yes her classic funny antics), and garnishing it with her natural motherly soft-heart covered with caramelized sugar to project her hard sweetness. She knows pretty well her timing when to punish and to reward.

Now that she's convinced that we, your kids, are worthy of her trust and have already proven to her some little things, she's more our barkada than our police... For me, even though she's imperfect, her imperfections are just so right to qualify her as the most wonderful mama we can ever have! Nothing beats her pa, nothing!

Thank you very much pa!

Your presence pa, i don't know but i just think of it this way, has been compromised to make 4 persons become even better and set big goals for their lives... The difficulty associated with your absence made us know God more and become obedient to ma (even though she doesn't feel mine compared with my brothers). Pa, some of mama’s traits are finding their way out now… mama and I have almost the same attitude...don't worry, she knows what I will do next, she knows I will not fail her because I love her. There are just many ways in skinning a cat, sometimes (come closer pa, I'm sure it's also mama's excuse sometimes shhhh...)

We're so lucky you left us with a valuable, priceless treasure... A selfless loving mama who willingly performs her role as 'mama-papa' and whose only desire is for us to become the best persons that we can ever be, even though she's just one supporting your three musketeers.

One of the many things that make me take my hat off is how your beloved woman makes us feel there's nothing lacking in the family and that we're even in a better boat than other children with both parents present.

I was even shocked with my friend's response pa when I shared with her about our family... She complimented your queen and said "I'm amazed how your mom brought you up for not being envious with others who have both parents. You're lucky you have a great mother." Only then I consciously affirmed that, "Yes, honestly I am never envious of other kids for having a great family... I admire them, but I am never envious."

Probably because I had a very good papa and have a great mama!

Now that your babies have already grown up pa, including your queen, our memories of you remain alive and forever will be. For as long as I live, you will live in my heart, in my mind, and in my actions. I never disregard you in discussions about families, besides, I'm always proud of you.

I promise to be always your 'little soldier' who will protect our family, including all the things you left behind—lola, your sibs, your teachings, your dreams for us. Your personal dream of becoming a priest even becomes the double adhesive tape between me and God no matter how playful I have become.

It's so amazing pa how we were able to discuss some of the good stuff, that are timely and prceless, when I was a kid... I though they were just another story-telling, but a life-saving instead.

Our other stories, let's continue them in my dream pa...!

Happy birthday papa! I hope you were here, but I'm happy knowing you're with God already feasting and celebrating everyday.

Kape

Nagsimula sa isang tasa ng kape.

Paikot-ikot sa kama, hindi ako makatulog. Marami na akong naipasalamat sa Kanya, hiniling, at ihiningi ng tawad. Alas dos na ng madaling araw, hindi pa rin ako dinadalaw ng antok.

Nakatulala sa madilim na silid, bigla kang pumasok sa isip ko. Napangiti. Napaisip. Tumawa. Umiyak.

Ikaw ang nag-iisang lalake na sobra kong kasundo kahit madalas kaduwelo. Madalas ipinagmamalaki mo ako at bida sa paningin mo kahit numero uno mo akong tagapanggulo at kadebate.

Sa tuwing nadidismaya ka sa akin, walang patumpik-tumpik mong tinatawag ang pansin ko--mapatext, mapatawag, o mapaharap-harapan.

"Mahal kita kaya ayaw kong napapasama ka," lagi mong banat. Sasagot ako at agad mong sasabihin, "Yan ka nanaman eh, ijujustify mo pa. Makinig ka sa akin. Sa tingin mo ba maririnig mo sa iba ang maririnig mo sa akin? Hindi ka sasabihan ng iba na 'tatanga tanga ka minsan'." Sabay tatawa ka at yayakapin ako.

Ikaw lang, pwera sa nanay at tatay ko, ang gustong gusto ng buo kong pangalan at aliw na aliw na tawagin akong 'Christy' (dahil alam mo ayaw kong tinatawag ako non), pero ipapakilala sa mga kaibigan ng 'Faith' habang natatawa kang banggitin ito dahil lagi kang sanay na inaasar ako... hanggang 'Potpot' na lang ang pagpapakilala mo sabay sabi 'baby ko pare.'

Sobra kitang namimiss.

Namimiss ko ang tatawagan mo ako ng disoras ng gabi, lalo na sa disoras ng gabi sa sumunod na araw pagtapos ng kaarawan mo. Tatawag ka para singilin ako na di kita binati. "Taun-taon mo na lang kinakalimutan!" (Sa totoo lang hindi ko nakalimutan ang birthday mo dahil days before nito tanda ko na at nakaalarm pa sa phone ko. Ang batiin ka ang nakakalimutan kong gawin. Ngayon sigurado ako alam mo yan).

Namimiss ko na din ang ititiext kita kahit anong oras ng araw at magugulat ka na lang na nagtext ako matapos ang maraming buwan. "May tanong ako..." "May sasabihin ako sayo..." "Alam mo ba..." "Oist! Miss na kita..." "Ipagpray mo ako kasi..." "Kamusta na? Balita?"

Namimiss ko na din ang paghintayin ka ng ilang oras, minsan araw, lingo, buwan na ang lumipas di ako dumating... Sa muli nating pagkikita, papakainin mo pa ako ng marami, magkikwentuhan tayo at tawanan, tapos pagbusog na pagsasabihan mo ako. Wala na akong lusot kasi, loko ka, binusog mo na ako at kokonsensyahin.

Miss na kita, loko ka! Kanina pa ako tumitingin sa paligid pero di kita makita. Kailangan ko pang pumikit para makita ka sa dilim.

Hai... Ikaw ang taong kakampi ko sa lahat at hindi ako pinahiya sa harap ng mga tao. Laging papuri at biruan, pero hindi mo ako nilaglag o kinucha kahit ilang beses kitang nabigo.

Ikaw ang sumbungan ko at kakampi. Ikaw ang tagapagtanggol ko kahit dalawa lang tayo ang magkausap at nakakarinig at di mo kilala ang kinikwento ko. Naalala ko pa, ang sarap ng tawanan natin sa mga arte natin.

Sa tuwing mapapagalitan ako ni mama ikaw ang lawyer ko o kaya peace negotiator. Hindi mo ako dinidiin pag napapagsabihan. Pero pagtayong dalawa na lang, mahaba pa sa sermon ng tunay na pari ang litanya mo.

Ikaw ang kadabate ko. Ikaw ang tanungan ko. Ikaw ang kasagutan ko. Ikaw ang labasan ko ng sama ng loob. Anong klaseng usapan man, lagi tayong natatapos sa tawanan at biruan.

Naalala ko pa sa tuwing may hiling ako sayo hindi mo ako binibigo, minsan may sobra pang bigay. Lagi mo ako niyayaya lumabas at syempre kumain (kasi yun ang hilig natin), ako lang ang madalas na hindi nakakarating.

Pero ni minsan hindi mo ako sinumbatan. Ikaw pa ang nagsasabi "babawi na lang tayo sa susunod."

Wala ka pa atang nasuway na usapan natin, sa pagkakatanda ko. Pero pag ako ang may kakulangan (dahil late, di dumating, di tumupad), ikaw padin ang pumupuno--masahe, dinner treat, movie, pabango, libro, at iba pa--ang kapalit.

Ang dami kong gustong ikwento sayo! Ang dami kong gustong itanong! Ang dami kong gustong gawin kasama ka! Loko ka, namimiss na kita. Pinaiyak mo pa ako ngayon.

Alam mo ba na gusto paghindi mo ako kinakampihan pero hindi mo ako iniiwanan tapos yayayain mo akong kumain para magkwentuhan at doon mo ako sasabunin pag tayong dalawa lang ang magkaharap, na kahit nagdedebate na tayo at nagtataasan ng boses... Tapos madighay lang tayo at magtatawanan na?!

Ikaw lang ang lalakeng kabiruan ko (pero may laman) pag may nagawa tayong mali sa paningin ng isa’t isa at sasabihing "Hindi mali ang ginawa mo. Mali lang siguro ang instruction ko. Ikaw ang pinakalovable na tao kaya magbago ka na ha... May ibubuti ka pa."

Ikaw ang kapalitan ko ng sekreto. Alam mo ang kiliti ko at kung paano ako ichallenge at imotivate. Alam mo kung paano palambutin ang matigas kong ulo at sakyan ang kabaliwan ko. Ikaw ang nakakaexplain at nakakalinaw ng maraming bagay na kahit tayong dalawa ay natatawa na lang sa sinasabi natin.

Miss na kita! Ikaw ang nag-iisang lalakeng literal kong tinawid ang bundok at ilog makita ka lang.

Buti nahalikan kita, nayakap, at natapik sa huli nating pagkikita. Hanggang ngayon di ako makapaniwala na hindi na tayo magkikitang muli.

Sa isip ko nasa isla ka lang, sa bago mong tahanan at pamilya. Ang masakit, sobrang buhay ka pa sa alaala ko dahil ganito tayo dati, buwanan bago nagkikita, pero kahit kailan kita gustong kausapin andiyan ka.

Ikaw ang pinangarap kong kuya na sobrang mapagmahal at mapagalaga sa iba't ibang paraan, at sobrang mahal ang Diyos na pinagsilbihan mo siya bilang pari ng 1 taon at 5 buwan bago ka umuwi sa Kanya.

Bro, miss na kita! Gusto kitang tawagan at kausapin. Pero iba na ngayon. Kahit gaano ka kabuhay sa isip at pakiramdam ko, di na kita makakausap at mayayakap pang muli.

Maraming salamat pinaramdam mo sa akin ang magkaroon ng mabuting kuya kahit sa dumi ng kuku hindi tayo magkadugo.

Naririnig ko ang tawa mo sa tuwing magaasaran tayo... Maraming salamat sa purong pagmamahal at pagbibigay ng walang kapalit.

At least nagyon, tutulog ako na alaala ko ang ngiti mo at rinig ko sa isip ko ang tawa mo. Malungkot man, masaya na din ako kasi nakita kitang masaya muli kahit sa imahinasyon lang.

Salamat na din sa isang tasa ng kape. Isang gabi ng pagtulog ko kabutihan mo ang isip ko.