Happiness is Relative

Different generations, different definitions of happiness. Different people, different sources of happiness.

Many people equate happiness with success when in fact they are two different things and are both relative to each individual.

There are those who associate happiness and success with job title, status in the society, and salary. There are others who break free from the stereotype and find happiness in their discovered purpose or simply in what move their souls. Some measure their success based on how well they perform their chosen roles in life.

Happines--like life and love--is what you make it. 

It is you who discover or decide what makes you happy and feel alive. As you live your life, you will discover what pumps you up, moves you, gives meaning to your life, inspires you, makes you look forward each coming day.

Interestingly, as the saying puts it: different strokes for different folks. Simply put, happiness does not have an exclusive, hard-and-fast meaning or way of finding and achieving it.

What is even more interesting is that finding and sustaining happiness is an endless pursuit.

Usually, happiness changes or evolves with time, circumstances, place you're in, or people you're with. Your happiness may also be fixed already, and you just have to sustain it.

In discovering your own happiness, do not let other people define it for you. Find your own happiness or decide what, where, how, and even why your HAPPINESS is. If you have same sources of happiness with others, great. If not, it's totally fine.

Some of the keys to finding your own happiness are:

1. Discover your talents and interests;
2. Know which area/field you excel at;
3. Find out what relaxes you and gives you peace as you continue to grow as an individual;
4. Know your goals and priorities in life;
5. Enjoy what you're doing without thinking of competition;
6. Have time-off to enjoy yourself and recover;

7. Find out what your purpose or vocation is;
8. Consider your loved ones as you embark in your pursuit of happiness... but never let them be the only factor in deciding what makes you feel alive, grow, and do things;

In short, know yourself in a more intimate and meaningful level. More importantly, maintain balance in all aspects of your life. 

No matter what pace, level of ease, place, etc you discover that make you feel alive or that work best for you, press on them.

In this day and age, more often than not, "meaningfulness" and "purpose" give us long-term and genuine happiness, and "gratitude" sustains the [source of] happiness that we discover.

Empowerment and inclusivity have become the "in" thing, and competition and individuality have become passé.

What works best for you in attaining your happiness may not work for others, and that's totally okay.

There is no fixed standard, no time or age limit, no certain place, no season in finding happiness. It is you who discover, feel, and work on your own happiness. Others don't find, serve, and sustain it for you.

Happiness is discovered by going out there, knowing yourself better, and living your best life. But remember, sustaining happiness is an inside job.

So go define and find your own happiness, and share it with the people around you.

If you have already found yours, I'm glad you did. If not yet I hope you find your happiness in what you do, in places you visit, in people you are with, and in every single day you get to live.

When one is happy, she/he shines.
Go spread your light.

Out With the Old; In With the New

Change comes with time.

Or maybe, time requires change.

Among the things that change over time is how the human race perceive, define, approach, and live life.

Few decades ago, the approach was individualistic. Competition was normal. Being famous and powerful was applauded. Owning mundane things was ideal. Grandstanding was a way of life. Money was the goal because it was thought to have made the world go round. I say so because I observe many older people are like these--a combination of these. They have these distinct characteristics.

At present, people magnify the importance of good health, being kind to oneself and others, inclusive growth, inner peace, living harmoniously with others, freedom over money. Now, money is just a tool, and freedom is the goal--time and financial.

The paradigm shift resulted in the revolutionary mindset and approaches of the new generation, among them are as follows:

-Inner peace is the new success.
-Gratitude is the new asset.
-Energy is the new charm.
-Humility is the new strength.
-Grit is the new strategy.
-Connection is the new attraction.
-Faithfulness is the new sweetness.
-Healthy is the new lifestyle.
-Calm is the new mindset.
-Happiness is the new rich.
-Spirituality is the new wellness.
-Self-mastery and self-respect are the new power.

May this new set of perspectives and ways of doing things work in your favor as you live through this new era--without completely leaving the old ones behind, such as the dignity in hard work and the importance of self-sufficiency and resourcefulness.

Flash Fiction: Time Talks

But there is nothing better for people to do than to be happy and to do good while they live.

"Tik-tok-tik-tok," says the Clock.

"Time is a language. Time is an expression," says Love.

"Live and love. Live and laugh," says Man.

"By the second my life rolls on," says the Clock.
"Every moment I spend with you is a part of me I give you," says Love.
"I live to share love and joy. I live to enjoy," says Man.

Clock:
A minute ago, I stood up.
Now, I am walking.
Later, I will conquer.

Love:
In autumn you came, I fell in love.
In winter you lied, I was hurt.
In spring you were gone, I grieved.
In summer I accepted things, I found real love.

Man:
Yesterday I was born.
Today I am living.
Tomorrow I will rest.
In the morning I smiled.
At noon I cried.
In the evening I laughed. 

"Time ticks slowly when you’re idle;
Time flies fast when you hurdle," says Clock. 

"Truth is, I constantly walk by the second... Slowly but surely," Time tells.

"Yet, how and with whom we spend time determines who or what our priorities and treasures are," says Love.

“Truth is, where you use me to nurture it, there your heart is,” Time declares.

"Life moves with time in circle, not because it sometimes puts you on top and sometimes at the bottom; but because every new beginning comes from some endings," says Man.

"Truth is, life moves with me in circle because you don't know where and when an old chapter stops and when and where the new beginning starts and the ending ends," Time shares.

The three agreed:

"Go! Just move with time...
Like time, just keep walking forward.
Your darkness and coldness may come; but surely your sun will rise again," says Clock.

"Go! Just invest time...
Spend time for and with the people and things you love.
Don't count time; make your time count," says Love.

"Go! Just roll with time...
Like time, just pass through the same old hours.
You will surely pass by familiar faces, familiar places, and familiar experiences; but just make sure you are no longer who you were. Improve," says Man.

Like time, grow up and roll onward.
Put your life in the care of the Great Restorer of the lost time, for God make all things beautiful in His own time.

There is a perfect time for every activity under heaven.
Don't rush, savor life.
Enjoy, learn, and improve every moment.

There is...

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to be silent and a time to speak.

But there is nothing better for people to do than to be happy and to do good while they live.

Greeting and a thank-you letter to the sweetest man…

Thank you pa for marrying a woman who is strong-willed, independent, and responsible. If you only saw how hard it was for her to raise us up alone, yet successfully braved her way through every financial, emotion, and physical trials, you would be proud of your taste and choice. Giving up nor becoming selfish was never her choice.



1948 ...

You were born shortly after World War 2. I was not surprised why you were named Dulcisimo, and much more, I was not surprised you didn't like it, but learned to love and live your name--very very sweet.

You were really such a sweet, caring, and thoughtful papa.

Thank you pa for letting me experience how it was to have a loving father and witness how a loving husband treated his wife—you followed the trail of mama's cluttered stuff and picked them one by one, engaged her in loving plants and pets, and called her attention when she was getting unbecoming to her parents and siblings.

Thank you papa for the memories we shared in that red-white BonBon folding bed, where we usually hung out—we squeezed ourselves together as I sucked my feeding bottle while pulling the hair of your armpit or pulling your earlobe and you, if not flipping the photo album (which by the way you loved doing because you were proud of the photo captions you made using the cumbersome typewriter), you tell me your teenage stories or stories about work.

I so love and miss those times... Through our frequent conversations I learned a lot and I gained some 'kumpares' and 'kumares' at the age of three.

I remember how you would correct me whenever I called the other treasures, auditors, politicians 'pare' and 'kumay'.

Of the many things you taught me, one thing that stood out most is when you uttered the words "value relationships, especially friendships because a harmonious and love-filled relationship starts from genuine friendship. Nothing, even money or jewels, can replace genuine friends in times of storms and be as genuine to them." I remember in my public speaking class in high school, I even used your words as my springboard for my speech. That’s how proud I am of you.

Thank you for being a doer of what you preached... Your actions made me believe your words, that they're so deeply engraved in my memory that even I was just 3, 4, 5...10 then, until now I vividly remember many of your applied examples. By that, I have become a believer of actions rather than of just plain words and I struggle to be like you. (or both a speaker and a doer, the environment you and mama exposed me to just made me talkative and verbose, or perhaps it was the pig's 'pie' which made me like this).

Thank you for making yourself a wise man... I mean for choosing the right woman to love. When you left your physical body, the 'mama-papa' you left us consistently performs her role responsibly...and even goes beyond it selflessly.

Thank you pa for falling in love with a woman who is funny, playful, and witty... Our home becomes alive when she cracks jokes or hit us with her 'pilosopo' remarks. It's not boring when she's in the mood.

Although I'm wondering pa how you dealt with this woman’s pride, volatility, and messiness. But I thank you for balancing her personality with yours. Since you went home to Him she gradually learned to be yielding, pleasant, cool-headed, and organized (in her own amusing way).

Thank you pa for marrying a woman who is strong-willed, independent, and responsible. If you only saw how hard it was for her to raise us up alone, yet successfully braved her way through every financial, emotion, and physical trial, you would be proud of your taste and choice. Moreover, giving up nor becoming selfish was never her option.

One thing I'm not sure if you would be glad, though—seeing her perform in front of a big crowd dancing. Or perhaps you'd laugh you lungs out as you cheer her then hug her after and treat her to a good dinner because you know how much effortful it is for her to coordinate her right foot with the left.

Thank God, you were a varsity player pa, Boyet wins in international motocross competitions; you were a dancer and singer and student leader, Ken-ken wins in performing arts contests and follows your heart for service even though he was just 3 when you left us...thank God your blood is strong pa. You’d be proud seeing them in the podium receiving awards. But you’d be prouder knowing how mama raised us while mama make her own achievements.

Nonetheless, so much thanks to God that the only woman you chose to live with until your very last breath provided us with all the things we needed—tough love, tough love, tough love, and sweet love.

For through her tough love during our formation stages, we were taught how to survive and stand on our own feet as she silently provided us what we needed, making us believe that we were the ones who made all things happen, but it was really her at our backs pushing us while playing another role beside us challenging us that we couldn't do things well, then go behind again pushing us. I can never forget her tough love to me...then balancing it with her funny side (and yes her classic funny antics), and garnishing it with her natural motherly soft-heart covered with caramelized sugar to project her hard sweetness. She knows pretty well her timing when to punish and to reward.

Now that she's convinced that we, your kids, are worthy of her trust and have already proven to her some little things, she's more our barkada than our police... For me, even though she's imperfect, her imperfections are just so right to qualify her as the most wonderful mama we can ever have! Nothing beats her pa, nothing!

Thank you very much pa!

Your presence pa, i don't know but i just think of it this way, has been compromised to make 4 persons become even better and set big goals for their lives... The difficulty associated with your absence made us know God more and become obedient to ma (even though she doesn't feel mine compared with my brothers). Pa, some of mama’s traits are finding their way out now… mama and I have almost the same attitude...don't worry, she knows what I will do next, she knows I will not fail her because I love her. There are just many ways in skinning a cat, sometimes (come closer pa, I'm sure it's also mama's excuse sometimes shhhh...)

We're so lucky you left us with a valuable, priceless treasure... A selfless loving mama who willingly performs her role as 'mama-papa' and whose only desire is for us to become the best persons that we can ever be, even though she's just one supporting your three musketeers.

One of the many things that make me take my hat off is how your beloved woman makes us feel there's nothing lacking in the family and that we're even in a better boat than other children with both parents present.

I was even shocked with my friend's response pa when I shared with her about our family... She complimented your queen and said "I'm amazed how your mom brought you up for not being envious with others who have both parents. You're lucky you have a great mother." Only then I consciously affirmed that, "Yes, honestly I am never envious of other kids for having a great family... I admire them, but I am never envious."

Probably because I had a very good papa and have a great mama!

Now that your babies have already grown up pa, including your queen, our memories of you remain alive and forever will be. For as long as I live, you will live in my heart, in my mind, and in my actions. I never disregard you in discussions about families, besides, I'm always proud of you.

I promise to be always your 'little soldier' who will protect our family, including all the things you left behind—lola, your sibs, your teachings, your dreams for us. Your personal dream of becoming a priest even becomes the double adhesive tape between me and God no matter how playful I have become.

It's so amazing pa how we were able to discuss some of the good stuff, that are timely and prceless, when I was a kid... I though they were just another story-telling, but a life-saving instead.

Our other stories, let's continue them in my dream pa...!

Happy birthday papa! I hope you were here, but I'm happy knowing you're with God already feasting and celebrating everyday.

Tiny, flickering light deep inside

Sometimes I feel so happy, other times anxious. One moment I feel on top, the next moment I feel at the rock bottom. One day I feel pumped up, the following I feel my lazy bones lock me up in my chair.

Being ordinary humans, we change moods and standpoints from time to time.

I say 'ordinary' because people with special gifts and those who have practiced meditation for decades are able to control their states of mind and emotions.

I'm wondering if these people, like the monks, still experience mood swings... And if they do, how do they manage it. I'm also marvel on the stuff usually occupy their minds. Hmmmh...

Whether one is a monk, a priest, a pastor, an imam, or a simple street vendor, he is still human who needs to improve everyday and experience every emotion there is for him to master even more himself—turning anger into a good opportunity to train patience; turning anxiety into a good time to nurture faith and trust; making happiness a strong platform to heal oneself and others; etc.

Aside from our surging emotions, we also have varying temperaments and intuitions. Like one moment you feel inspired, the next you feel discouraged or lazy.

Whatever the situation or concern or mood is, we can always transform and elevate our circumstances by letting the feeling seep in, but not too long, then assess it simultaneously as you already start moving and working on what you must do at hand—feel good and perky; or finish a task.

As you work out your situation, whether it’s now clear to you why such things happen or you already forget that you are assessing, you will just be surprised that you are already feeling better or half done with your task.

The important thing is you are dynamic, you are moving towards your goal—dragging yourself or sliding smoothly—because your progress, no matter how small it is, will fuel and inspire you to keep going, as God blesses even more those whose hearts are sincerely desiring to improve and create good things.

However, don't confuse movement from progress.

Thus, it is necessary to know ourselves better by tapping our every emotion so we precisely know if we are making any progress or it's just another movement. Through this, we will be able to know how we can better motivate ourselves especially in times when there's no one by our side to stir us up—except the person who is wearing the very same shoes you are wearing.

More so, our humility to come before God and ask for His grace to improve us does so much to rekindle our passion and discover our gifts. One day we will just be surprised how His power enables us to accomplish things we never thought we know and can do.

Our passion to improve and accomplish something starts with ourselves, with that tiny, flickering fire deep within our hearts.

This passion, no matter how flickering it gets, when we commit to do our best and ask for God's provision and guidance, grows into a brilliant light…that you can no longer keep it because it keeps on glaring and passing through every hole or ooportunity… No matter how many walls try to block it's glow, it will unflinchingly find it's way out the other shafts.

This light or passion must be kept burning no matter what the season is, for with God's warm love, even though the light flickers, it will keep blazing that you have no other choice but to pass it on, spread it, until it lights the whole community, another community, and eventually, hopefully, the world.

You'll be one day surprised by how great the breadth and brightness of the once tiny light (the lazy bone and mood swinger that you are) has become. Make sure you don't let anything or anyone put out the light that God has ignited in your heart.

No matter how big and bright you become, remain humble and grateful to Him who faithfully provides you what you sought and asked for. For anyone who humbles himself is being raised by God to the sky.

Just have faith in Him, come, and ask... He will sustain you so the world can see His glory through the simple, ordinary, and humble persons like us.

One day, when you already master yourself and you know how to go about your fluctuating fervor, no matter how strong the wind blows, the light in your heart will keep on burning—to provide your own light and perhaps to other people as well.

Desire for progress and focus on it! Remember that where your focus is, there your growth will be.

Just hours ago I felt lazy to write. I decided to hold the pen, even though it seemed 10 kilos for me. Now I'm done... No longer flickering, at the moment. More situations like this in time, I know, but I’m ready to kindle my own fire and ask for His boost.

Paradigm Shift: Socialites and ruralites are one and the same

Many great things on earth must not be waited to arrive… for they are in everywhere we go already, we just have to open our eyes to see, set our hearts to feel grateful, and free our minds to believe.


For a couple of weeks ago, I had been too busy with work and other stuff, or sometimes I was just busy thinking “What if I text Korsie and catch up? or “What if I send Ate Leony a chat message?” So there, I dropped a message to a friend who’s online.

“Hi Dane!” (cling cling) "Hey Pot!" she chatted back. Hi-hello. Few catching up questions... Poof! Suddenly, we just found ourselves on our way up north.

Everything happened spontaneously. She wanted to feel a different environment and I was longing to do something that would break the toxic urban life. Simply put, we both wanted to have a total relaxation. So after a few throws of messages, we packed up, and let the wheels take us to the paradise we’ve had never been to.

North pole and south pole slowly attracted each other and are now seated side-by-side. She was driving, I was facebook-ing. The soundwaves inside the car were relaxed—long flat line of silence, sporadic short talks, and long flat line again.

It was already a little over noon time when we left the busy streets. I haven’t had anything in my mouth yet since I woke up. Good thing this woman brought a well-prepared lunch box filled with cereals and a bun with garlic sourcream. (The opposite poles are attracting each other now).

The scenery along the express way validated that what was happening was real… I could hear the carabao in the vast rice field telling us “Yes, your unplanned out-of-town relaxation is real.” I could see the colorful nipa huts smile at us—“have fun!” quipped their walls. I could feel the crisp air hugs us, “warm welcome to the province!” I could smell the rain-soaked grass and the clean sea breeze spray out their best perfumes, “enjoy our humble setting.”

All these and more simple things opened up as the rolling grassy mountains of Zambales unfolded nature’s humble beauty and hospitality to us.

My adventurous, backpacking nature was complimented by the ever-ready, organized traits of the other woman. “Zoom in the lens,” her bitchy voice cracked the silence. Oh, there was the screen shot of the map going to the beach resort on her ipod screen.

“Okay, so we’re not fulfilling my dream of sleeping on the sand, grilling fish, getting wet in the rain, eating at carinderias?” I asked monotonously.

To cut it short, things worked for good that weekend… She got what she wanted, to have a beach resort to stay in. And me!!! Later you will find out.Ü

The resort was packed with guests and the only left accommodation was a nipa hut worth just within my budget (because I said the trip must be fun yet economical. I had to be clear with this party woman.)

“You socialite will be a ruralite this weekend, okay?” I emphasized, not waiting for her answer.

Everything I envisioned that we would do happened because this very woman fulfilled them unconsciously… Hooorrrrraaaay! (Because what she wanted was the exact opposite of my plan—decent room, prepared meal, no dancing in the rain only a clear sky for her photography.)

We proceeded from one moment to another doing our own stuff… yes, we walked together (one was ahead of the other). We sat on Love Love Love blanket together (one was taking pictures, the other was eating). We went to the shore together to drink (one was with a new friend, who by the way burned the coal for my grilled fish, and the other one was lying on the soft waves retrospecting in solitude).

How cool is that? Yes, we enjoyed our unwritten rule (of irony): let’s have fun together doing our own stuff independently.

We only talked with each other 20% of the entire time—only when we were eating meals. Most of our chats were even non-sense jokes and gloating of each other.

Our weekend getaway may seem a crap for some… But really, having someone by your side, equally happy as you are while doing her own stuff is far more fun and de-stressing than a tight and sheltered bonding. No bully, no feeling boss, no sensitive heart, no crybaby, no party pooper.

We met new warm and sincere friends who helped us cook my dream grilled fish at wee hours (FYI, they are the crew and the one who practically toiled burning the coal was the owner). We lived in simplicity of our humble nipa hut with no frills of fixing and plugging electrical appliances (we were living in ‘my’ dream palace with only two beds and a light as the furnishing). We were dressed in an unpretentious manner, walking from one place to another, sleeping by the shore and in the hammock while people passed by us. We were eating fresh sea foods and vegetables that were deliciously cooked yet so economical—that one might think we only paid for the labor harvesting and picking them rather than the normal trading price.

After less than 24 hours (excluding travel time) stay at the resort, the observations and realizations we got seemed like reaped from a decade experience.

Sometimes a great life just takes SILENCE (to retrospect and plan), RESPECT (to properly give way and accept), SIMPLICITY (for contentment and fulfillment), CHEERFULNESS (to bless other and be blessed by them), HUMILITY (to know and acknowledge that we are just among the great wonders He owns), and GRATITUDE (to appreciate the worth of small but great things and the abundance of God’s love).

I cannot describe how awesome and great God is for creating all that we see and experience here on earth—the mountains, the sea, the sand, the grass, the people, the carabao, the squid, and the eggplant (all these simple, complicated, big, and small things!)

Many great things on earth must not be waited to arrive… for they are in everywhere we go already, we just have to open our eyes to see, set our hearts to feel grateful, and free our minds to believe.

Now, it’s her time to sleep and my time to hit the wheel and conquer the road back to Manila. Both of us went home with smiles painted on our faces and beautiful things carved in our memories.

Whether in urban or in rural area, by the beach or in the praire or whether organized or anything-goes, prepared or carefree—life’s wonderfulness is the same, as the Maker is one and the same. The difference is just in our perspectives.

The sweetest place to find it is right inside you, deep down…

The love that makes us smile and touch our hearts doesn’t always have to necessarily come from another person, just what many always think. The love that will ultimately make us smile comes from the innermost core of our humanity.

We cannot appreciate the love from another person if we don’t personally know, in the first place, what love really is.

Sometimes we cannot truly love person or a thing when we don’t have any love for ourselves. At times, we cannot be content with what we love or have right now if we don’t love ourselves enough, hence, we keep on loving and hopping from one person or thing to another, hoping to find the greatest love of our lives—when in fact it is just so near to us, just inside us. Sometimes we cannot love what we do because we don’t find enough reason why we have to do things for other people thinking we, ourselves, need help.

Some people tend to pity themselves, thinking they don’t have enough love. That no one values them. Others become promiscuous or polygamous thinking they haven’t found yet the real love that they need.

As it’s been said by the oracle in ‘My Life in Ruins’, “It wasn’t you he cheated. Some people cheat themselves out of living a life with a woman they love.” And my version is, “they don’t cheat to their wives, but to themselves, because they leave the real love of their lives.”

Well, at times we become blinded by our emotions, especially if they’re too heavy because our own love for ourselves has been shut by negativity and hopelessness. Love wakes up all our senses and moves our nerves to work at their best… when we love, we have infinite creative ideas on how to express our feelings.

Me, after putting all my love to a certain things and everything has just been broken, I resolved to love myself humbly first and make it overflow so it can touch many people and clothe many works.

When we gain love from loving…. Happiness, kindness, gratitude follow through from the fountain of love inside us. So do patience, understanding, forgiveness, and discipline. Of course they’re not perfect, but time is polishing them.

Now I learn to embrace and love more people and things and works without a blemish of expectation from their ends. In return, they reflect back to me the things that I give and so I receive more love and warm actions and words of care.

Truly, the two best feelings in the world are to love purely and to be loved sincerely.

(I wrote this after finding different joy, and realizing the love therein, as we cook up a compassionate activity for the “these abled” persons with down syndrome, autism, and cerebral palsy. After all, love isn’t just for and from a certain person (I mean the romantic one); it could also be from an ‘act’ and for more people than one; and between more than two people with a noble purpose to carry out.)