Happiness is Relative

Different generations, different definitions of happiness. Different people, different sources of happiness.

Many people equate happiness with success when in fact they are two different things and are both relative to each individual.

There are those who associate happiness and success with job title, status in the society, and salary. There are others who break free from the stereotype and find happiness in their discovered purpose or simply in what move their souls. Some measure their success based on how well they perform their chosen roles in life.

Happines--like life and love--is what you make it. 

It is you who discover or decide what makes you happy and feel alive. As you live your life, you will discover what pumps you up, moves you, gives meaning to your life, inspires you, makes you look forward each coming day.

Interestingly, as the saying puts it: different strokes for different folks. Simply put, happiness does not have an exclusive, hard-and-fast meaning or way of finding and achieving it.

What is even more interesting is that finding and sustaining happiness is an endless pursuit.

Usually, happiness changes or evolves with time, circumstances, place you're in, or people you're with. Your happiness may also be fixed already, and you just have to sustain it.

In discovering your own happiness, do not let other people define it for you. Find your own happiness or decide what, where, how, and even why your HAPPINESS is. If you have same sources of happiness with others, great. If not, it's totally fine.

Some of the keys to finding your own happiness are:

1. Discover your talents and interests;
2. Know which area/field you excel at;
3. Find out what relaxes you and gives you peace as you continue to grow as an individual;
4. Know your goals and priorities in life;
5. Enjoy what you're doing without thinking of competition;
6. Have time-off to enjoy yourself and recover;

7. Find out what your purpose or vocation is;
8. Consider your loved ones as you embark in your pursuit of happiness... but never let them be the only factor in deciding what makes you feel alive, grow, and do things;

In short, know yourself in a more intimate and meaningful level. More importantly, maintain balance in all aspects of your life. 

No matter what pace, level of ease, place, etc you discover that make you feel alive or that work best for you, press on them.

In this day and age, more often than not, "meaningfulness" and "purpose" give us long-term and genuine happiness, and "gratitude" sustains the [source of] happiness that we discover.

Empowerment and inclusivity have become the "in" thing, and competition and individuality have become passé.

What works best for you in attaining your happiness may not work for others, and that's totally okay.

There is no fixed standard, no time or age limit, no certain place, no season in finding happiness. It is you who discover, feel, and work on your own happiness. Others don't find, serve, and sustain it for you.

Happiness is discovered by going out there, knowing yourself better, and living your best life. But remember, sustaining happiness is an inside job.

So go define and find your own happiness, and share it with the people around you.

If you have already found yours, I'm glad you did. If not yet I hope you find your happiness in what you do, in places you visit, in people you are with, and in every single day you get to live.

When one is happy, she/he shines.
Go spread your light.

Spotting Your Vampire

The core of vampirism is low self-worth. Vampires are like little children desperate and hungry for love and attention.

Vampires are mythological creatures who subsist by feeding on the life essentials, like blood, of living creatures. They are animated corpses who rise from the grave at night to suck blood from sleeping people.

The idea of vampires started to become popular in the 18^th century in Western Europe. They believed vampires have no reflection in the mirror and they could be warded off by apotropiacs like garlic, wild rose branches, and hawthorn plants.

In modern fiction, vampires are depicted as suave and charismatic blood sucking creatures.

But do vampires really exist?

Of course they don’t exist in real life. But we do all have vampire attributes and we are all personal vampires to somebody.

Vampires are the difficult persons in our lives. Much like the fictional character who doesn't have a mirror reflection, difficult persons cannot self-reflect. We all are vampires at one point, to one person, to a certain level.

Personal vampires are infectious. They either attack your immune system by stressing you out or they pass on the virus to you and influence you by their ways.

There are three types of vampires:

 

1. Pure Vampires

                -always difficult to all people

                -they think and feel that they are really good people and are always right

2. Personal Vampires

                -your vampire may not be a vampire to another person

                -they press a certain personal or sensitive button in us

3. Partial Vampires

                -all of us are this

But before we judge others as vampires or tag others as difficult persons, let us first look at ourselves. Perhaps, there are also areas in our lives that we must first fix or remove before we fix others’ or remove the speck from their eyes.

It is very important that we spot the vampires in our lives so we will be able to protect ourselves with the right apotropaics or ways to ward them off, without having to hurt them or allowing ourselves to be continually hurt.

There are eight common vampires:

1. Criticizing Vampire

                -it would seem that their divine mission is to correct the world

                -they always feel the need to make others feel small so they become big in others eyes

                -they think they’re going to explode if they don’t air their criticism or unsolicited correction

2. Controlling Vampire

                -they use intimidation, guilt, anger to manipulate your emotion

                -they cannot execute their good intention without hurting others

                -they’re like children that if you don’t give in to their plea or want they will whine or cry

3. Contradicting Vampire

                -they will disagree with you because for them “it will just not work”

                -they’re not open to new ideas

                -they are “that’s difficult, let’s not do that,” as opposed to, “that’s challenging, but we can find a way and do it”

                -they’re like children trapped in adult human bodies, they have good intention but they don’t know how to execute them

4. Clinging Vampire

                -they’re like parasites looking for hosts

                -his/her self-esteem is totally dependent on others, until they smother others

5. Crying Vampire

                -they’re overly sensitive people

                -they easily get hurt and they suck the energy out of you by crying

6. Complaining Vampire

                -wherever you put them they just love complaining and whining anytime about whatever

                -they easily lose interest and tend to be unappreciative or ungrateful
                -they easily look older than their ages

                -they are not aware that they have choices… to choose to be happy or to stop or to change

7. Coward Vampire

                -they don’t know how to say NO at the right time with the right reason

                -they love pleasing other people, that they are no longer able to attend to their accepted responsibilities

                -they tend to become liabilities instead of assets

                -they easily get burnt out

8. Con Vampire

                -can be very charming, kind, and good

                -they are good at convincing people, but they are also very good at telling lies after lies after lies

                -they are capable of making people believe them in the midst of their doubts, because he is good at supporting one lie with nine others

                -pathological liars

These difficult people becomes our vampires because they suck the energy out of us when they press our personal buttons.

The core of vampirism is low self-worth. Vampires are like little children desperate and hungry for love and attention.

One of their biggest problem is they cannot see their reflections in the mirror. That is why it is very important that we actively take the role of spotting them.

Once we find them and do our best to understand them—that we all have past and wounds or are going through something difficult at that moment—then we can help them by providing the right apotropaic to help them take off their masks, cloaks, and fangs that make them vampires to others, or if not, for us to put emotional space between us and them without having to cut relationships with them.

In fiction, once a vampire always a vampire. But in real stories, there’s hope. We can change! We have choices—to grow, be happy, improve, which company to be in.

Before we spot our vampires, it is also very important that we take the time to first pause and self-reflect. Sometimes the weaknesses of others that irritate us are the same unacknowledged weaknesses that we have.

As we assess ourselves, ask the right questions and totally take off our blindfolds. We cannot lie to ourselves; not acknowledging our defects will only worsen us. Accepting that we have problems to fix is the first step to solving them, to improvement.

Our illnesses or defects are not who we are supposed to be. Rather, they are the ones keeping us from who we are supposed to be.

Also, these vampires or difficult persons will help us see ourselves clearly and know ourselves better.

We are all vampires to somebody else. But if we start thirsting for the blood of Jesus and desire to have it pour on us—on our wounds, on our confusion, on our hopelessness—Jesus’ blood can surely cleanse us and make us anew (Revelations 1:5, “To Him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by His blood.”)

Jesus doesn't care where we have been and what we have been through… All He cares about and sees clearly is our potential and the direction we can take to the place we are supposed to be going—in His kingdom of eternal joy and love.

We can all change! It’s not the person per se that makes him a vampire, but his behavior. We are all boxes of possibilities… Don’t worry, we can all change for the better—if we want to and act upon it.

(Second installment, click Protecting Yourself From Vampires )

Metamorphosis

Like a butterfly, we were once a crawling caterpillar unappreciated by many; then surrounded by cocoon of problems. But as we persist and do our best to move forward, our sweat and tears soften the cocoon and the hardshell that seemed to block us sheds off… then poof!

In this material world, everything flows and nothing remains the same. As Heraclitus observed, change is the only permanent thing in the world.

If we are to improve, then we have to move upwards and onwards.

Nonetheless, as we act let us not confuse movement from progress; for our state of action doesn’t always translate to advancement and improvement.

We must know which change we have to accept as it is and which we have to deliberately act upon on. We shouldn’t just be purely passive accepting every change as it happens or purely active reacting on every change.

When it comes to our personal changes, every transformational change always comes with resistance. It is but normal.

Sometimes we become comfortable with our conditions that we no longer want to take another step or change positions or transfer locations. We settle to where we are. Sometimes we stagnate, or worse, we tend to deteriorate.

We don’t notice we no longer learn new things so our minds get rustic and we become left behind or narrow-minded. We feel too safe in our seats until our sedentary lifestyle brings us to the hospital due to illnesses we didn’t know we’re forming over time. We get stuck in our relationships that hurt us, stagnate us, or rotten us thinking we would never be loved again.

Desire change! Be willing to be transformed!

At first we will naturally feel resistant to change. We will become inconsistent with our desire to improve, or at least, change status in life.

No matter what you feel, just press on!

Remember the reasons you had in mind why you wanted to change, to improve. Revisit your feelings when you first acted upon the change you want to happen. Feel your excitement and joy.

Do not limit and doubt yourself to do great things.

Ask our faithful God to guide you every step of the way.

The best change comes from God—turning your good to better, and your better to best. He is faithfully transforming us from glory to glory.

All we need to do is be willing to submit to His wonderful ways of transforming our lives. For God desires nothing but our best.

Rest on God’s unconditional love and limitless grace. How?

I. Believe in God’s Transforming Power.

                -God’s love changes us for the better, He wants us to be saved and to enjoy the gift of life

                -God’s miracle, blessings, and healing are always available each day

II. Change Your Perception of Yourself

                -God created us with inherent capabilities no matter where we came from or how we look

    -God has equipped us with necessary tools to victoriously face our refining trials

                -When God calls, He equips.

III. Look at God differently

                -God is faithful to His promises and generous to both evil and good, sinners and saints (Matthew 5:45)

                -God is understanding and considerate, that He even allowed Himself to become human for Him to experience the things that we experience as humans, even the harder and most painful things, to relate to us and inspire us

                -God was tempted like us, but he managed the temptations well by remaining obedient to God’s word and by holding firmly to His faith

IV. Desire to be Healed Totally and Completely

                -Allow God to work in our lives through and through

                -While God is healing us at one area, don’t block Him to other areas so He may also transform us there because He wants to bless us and make our joy complete

V. Be Willing to Learn

                -Seek for wisdom, hunger for knowledge and share them with others

                -Acquire new information, modify existing ones, renew your ideas and incorporate with others'

                -Have the humility to be mentored… life is an open university that is pro-students who are willing to be taught

                -There are a lot of things we don’t know that we don’t know

                -Even the greatest men in the world get help from others

                -Leaning is the result  not the simply the process of being taught of

Remember that God is giving us our situations because He has a perfect and glorious plan for each of us. When God calls us to change, let us be responsive and be confident that all things work for our best.

Resist your resistance, not God’s transformation of us.

God continuously pour forth His blessings to us even as while we are asleep. If we think we don’t receive His gifts, or we question why others are better than we are, it is because we unconsciously resist God’s blessings.

Our laziness, our procrastination, our envy, our crab-mentality… our attitude toward receiving God’s graces is the one which hinders us from enjoying them.

1. Remove your umbrella of laziness, procrastination, skepticism and catch God’s blessing with open arms.

2. Patch the holes in your lives so the blessings you catch will not leak. Constantly train and desire to improve. Focus! Be diligent . Be self-discipline. When things become part of your system, they gradually become easy and automatic… they become you!

 

3. Share the things you receive and learn. What you learn and receive triples when you share them with others because others share what they have or their learnings to you too. And the good news is, even if others don’t share what they have to you, God will bless you in other amazing ways you deserve.

Like a butterfly, we were once a crawling caterpillar unappreciated by many; then surrounded by cocoon of problems. But as we persist and do our best to move forward, our sweat and tears soften the cocoon and the hardshell that seemed to block us sheds off… then poof!

We become the most beautiful insect in the field, flying high from one flower of opportunity to another. We have just been transformed by the transforming love and grace of God, through our own desire to improve and our constant action to press on.

Surprised as we are, after the refining fire of difficulties, we are now the precious gem in the midst of the vast quagmire of struggles giving hope to others—if the once feeble person has improved and so can they!

Onward and Upward!

Decide to improve. You are in charge of your life. Your life will only change inasmuch as you let it.

So much beauty in the world! So much things to be thankful for. So much things to enjoy.

Yet, not everybody sees them. Not all seize the good life. Let’s not cheat ourselves of the happiness we deserve!

Unlock the source of joy and blessings by being grateful.

Life is a series of choices. Some personally choose to be free and happy; others opt that other people and events dictate the kind of life they live.

Decide to improve. You are in charge of your life. Your life will only change inasmuch as you let it.

Choose to be happy; it takes a lot of energy to hold anger. Accept your situation at the moment and do something about it.

Living a passive life is a fate worse than dying the hard way. Don’t just sit down, keep silent, and refuse to risk. Own up the responsibility of making your life better and happier. Live, don’t just exist. Be grateful for the new day to live by!

When negativity peeps through, don’t mind it. Be indifferent. It will go away sooner than you think when you don’t give it attention. Plant seeds of positivity! Smile.

If people seem cruel… let them be. What matters is how you treat others and yourself. Getting even will only hurt you. Making others suffer will not make your pain go away. Fight evil with good! Understand and be compassionate.

Yes, good things are easier said than done. Nobody said worthwhile things are easy. But always remember, where there is hardship, there your growth is. So when your character is tested, keep on keeping on!

Building a good character is like building a house on a solid rock. When trials, pains, or calamities come, one will not be overwhelmed and falter; instead, one may maturely soar over these storm of difficulties and remain grateful for yet another blessing in disguise.

Take occasional breaks. Pause and breathe. Appreciate your journey… Your trials and triumphs, downs and ups are what give life texture and color. Take some time to re-introduce yourself to yourself.

Regularly check your parameters and boundaries so you know your pace and limit. Both freedom and improvement require setting limits.

It is also important that you ask life for the great desires of your heart… Ask for your dreams. Feel them. Believe you will receive them. Go get them!

Dreams don’t die. Sometimes we've just grown out of them. Then, we just need to make new ones, better ones. If we are faced with roadblocks along the way, just remember that trials are just like fire in the fiery furnace that polishes our ability and intentions so we may know clearly the good desires of our hearts.

Appreciate each day—the new days itself is a wonderful opportunity to become better.

Thank each trial—trivial things stretch you and teach you valuable lessons; they make you wiser.

Acknowledge each pain—uncomfortable feelings and situations allow you to explore your other emotions; they make you know yourself better.

Value each difficulty—hard people, things, or circumstances to deal with polish you and enable you to establish self-concept and appreciate self-worth.

Unlock your gifts, joy, and fountain of blessings by being grateful, hopeful, and by constantly utilizing the things you’ve just unlocked.

Life is a series of choices and decisions and a combination of moments—little ones that add up to big ones, and create who you are. You're not letting others make those choices for you and to dictate who you are, right?

Live. Enjoy. Improve. Keep moving onward, upward!

Keep on smiling and the world will smile with you. :-)

Float on Tears or Fly with Grace

Do you still often find yourself subconsciously picking up all the pieces of shattered memories and pulling through all the yarns that could link you back with him?

Whatever caused our cherished relationships to break, many of us, women, remain locked up in the past that we want to blow life to all the images that flash in our heads and turn them into reality. Since women usually have a relatively longer bargaining phase than men, many of us succumb to our emotions and let go of our pride just to rekindle the old flame. However, due to some not-so-good experiences, there are also others who desire to get their men back in their lives because they want to turn the tables around.

Whatever our motives are in winning our men back, we can always resolve to live our lives in ways that will both favor our victory in deliberately getting our men back and our success in purposely improving ourselves—that may unintentionally lead him back to us.

1. We can have a solid kick off by having a clear and resolute decision of loving ourselves first before anybody else.

Men in our generation are aware that only when one is capable of loving herself enough, that she is able to love others properly. In our fast-paced and competitive environment today, most men prefer women who value and respect themselves for this means security and assurance, whether men are around or not.

A woman who values and respects oneself will not allow herself to fall into wrongdoings that might affect each of them, and eventually the relationship. She will commit herself to continuous growth—discovering what she can do and how she can do it best—so her man will always have something to be proud of her and so she has a good self-image of herself, preventing her to feel insecure and jealous.

A woman who loves herself is naturally caring, understanding, sympathetic, and supportive because she herself knows what love is and how it is to be loved.

2. We must learn the skill on how to properly and decently send our men signals that we are totally over and have already accepted the breakup—although the reality is otherwise.

Making a man believe that you have already moved on usually hits his ego and stirs him to think whether he is your loss or you are his loss. Showing no desperation in winning him back conversely makes him desperate to come back to you to prove his worth and chase the self-sufficient woman that he has just left.

Men over 25 years old usually don’t find women who are clingy, possessive, and obsessed cute and lovable. The older the men gets, all the more they appreciate women who can be their partners rather than their pets.

3. It is also important that we always look our best—internally and externally. Maintaining inner and outer beauty will in no way drive away your man.

Take advantage of how well you have known him in your years together. Put on a dress that has the color and style he likes; arrange your hair the way that he finds sexy; and use the perfume you were using so his feeling will be swept back to the times when you were still together.

Having a girlfriend with a good heart and a prudent mind is nothing but an ideal significant other for most men. External beauty fades through the years, but internal beauty becomes more valuable as years go by—serving as the couple’s armor against life’s series of storms and relationship trials.

Any ex-boyfriend couldn’t help but snivel on the sight of a beautiful woman with a golden heart being admired and respected by other men.

4. Maintaining warm relationships with our men’s friends and family members is also another good move that requires discreet moves.

Being nice and warm with his crowd is like having a free of charge award-winning advertisement on how good you are as a friend and a family member. Nonetheless, sincerity must be the main theme of your personal ad. Friends are like sharks sharp in smelling deceptions and role plays, but they can also be your genie helping you get what you wish for.

Being warm and nice with his clique will show how diplomatic you are in dealing issues. Also, this can signal to him that you are a good partner to be with in both good and not-so-good times.

5. Lastly, let’s just always be ourselves.

Being the woman that you really are will help ignite his feelings once more. Who you truly are was the reason why he became attracted to you. Maybe it’s the perfect time to look at yourself and retrospect. Have you changed a lot? Are the changes because of improvement? Or you have already matured that’s why there are changes.

While doing all these, you are also helping yourself become the esteemed woman you need to be whether he comes back to your or not. If he comes back, it means you are really wired and meant for each other. If he doesn’t, then rejoice because you have already started spreading your wings and now more prepared to take off and soar the vast heavens of possibilities and opportunities.

Single is More

‘Single’ isn’t just a faint no-brainer word uttered by everybody… ‘Single’ is a powerful ‘feeling’ (of contentment). It ain’t just a label thrown at us by friends… ‘Single’ is a dignified ‘title’ (of blessedness) earned through genuine wisdom and patience, and sometimes through the Holy Spirit.

It just takes a good pair of grateful eyes; optimistic mind; cheerful heart; and a tireless pair of generous hands to optimize singleness to the fullest.




Whenever…

…we hear the word ‘single (oh, with her beauty and brains she’s still single?)
…we see the word ‘single’ (line for singles and line for married…shall I reveal that I’m still single given my age?)
…we utter the word ‘single’ (yes, I’m still single and ready to mingle!)

…we hear different reactions. Different people hold different opinions and feel of the word.

In our solitude moments, thinking that we are single incites various thoughts and feelings. Some may be happy, others may get frustrated. Many may feel fortunate, and still others may feel empty.

An English professor may even hold a different opinion—that ‘single’ always means one. Yes ONE! Singular. Alone. With no one. By oneself.

I’ve been to some situations of being single (Yes, different phases—committed single with boyfriend around and with boyfriend away; and uncommitted single). I also witnessed various types of being single, and I discovered that ‘single’ is, not one, and it’s does not just denote many, but ‘more’.

I had a long-time relationship. It was colorful. It felt good to have an all-time partner in doing things and also a long-distance inspiration when I had to study away from home.

However, when we broke up many things changed. I went through my own phasing of DABDA—denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. Fortunately, because of God, things happened so quickly and I was able to see what happened as a blessing in disguise. With a grateful heart, I was able to turn the situation around and use my situation—single again—as a good opportunity and foundation on which I will willingly build on more good things.

With gratitude and hope for a better everyday, wonderful things surprisingly lined themselves up to me.

There are times that we must think of separation or the act of leaving (whoever seems to leave the other) as a very good opportunity for growth. Tell youself, “I’m glad he left me because it means I can spread my wings more and soar new heights of self-improvement with and for God.”

Being single once again means knowing myself more and enjoying myself in ways greater than I can imagine. While I’m single again, I can have more time for myself, my family, my community, and my friends. All this means more opportunities to serve God.

Being single means more time doing the things I want to do and exploring more things I’ve long been wanting to explore but never had the chance to… Maximizing all this fun learning curve before I get married, or simply before another year pass me by.

Single is fun… Single is ‘more’!

My mom is also a single mother. My father died when I was 10 years old, my younger brother was 6, and my youngest brother was only 3.

Being the strong independent woman that she is, my mother is able to happily raise her three musketeers well, or so I claim.

My other brother wins in international motocross competitions and my youngest brother wins in dance competitions, among the top students in his batch, an athlete, and an officer in their school. No to mention, the two boys are more obedient to mama than their ate.

I haven’t asked my mother yet how it is to raise up three children alone. But deep inside me, a little voice tells me, “It’s hard to be a single mother. Your mother is playing two roles, a mother and a father, at the same time. She gives more—time, effort, and resources—to provide your needs. Thus, you must also give her the sweetest love and the priceless gift of ‘the-best-person-that-you-can-be’ as her reward.”

Because she’s been a really great mother to us, come all four seasons, that other people start to appreciate and look up to my mom. My father’s side of the family loves mama more and more. Other people’s appreciation becomes her strong morale booster and her children’s love and appreciation her Olympic gold medal.

Being a single parent is empowering, fulfilling, and rewarding… Being a single parent means ‘more’!

My grandmother (my father’s auntie) opted to remain single despite some suitors. Perhaps she was blessed to be single.

She happily helped in raising up her nieces and nephews…and eventually, their kids. She hopped from one house of her sibling to the next and one town to another to take good care of her getting more and more ‘children’ and bigger and bigger ‘family’.

When my father was sick, she even traveled a rough 24-hour sail just to be with my father.

My lola Miling, who died just last year, found joy all her life in serving her relatives and making us feel special and loved. In return, she received more love from relatives and even from the relatives of her in-laws.

When she died, she not only gained love and respect, but left and engraved in our hearts the important lessons of her priceless gifts of humility, kindness, and love.

‘Single’ is a fountain of abundant blessings that cannot be bought by money and power… ‘Single’ is more!

No matter what we think of whenever the word ‘single’ pops into our minds… ‘single’ always has superimposed images of ‘more’ (time, opportunities, fun, love, and the list goes on) in our imaginations.

No matter what we feel when we realize that we are single… ‘Single’ always has a power to engrave a different feel of gratitude, joy, pride, and blessedness in our hearts.

‘Single’ isn’t just a faint no-brainer word uttered by everybody… ‘Single’ is a powerful ‘feeling’ (of contentment). It ain’t just a label thrown at us by friends… ‘Single’ is a dignified ‘title’ (of blessedness) earned through genuine wisdom and patience, and sometimes through the Holy Spirit.

It just takes a good pair of grateful eyes; optimistic mind; cheerful heart; and a tireless pair of generous hands to optimize singleness to the fullest.

Single is not one, lonely idea… ‘Single’ is ‘more’ than good things, blissful feelings, and opportunities combined.

So next time you chance upon your English professor telling you that single is singular, you may answer in repartee that ‘single’ is more time, more love, and more giving and receiving. ‘More’ is never one and alone and is greater than ‘many’. Therefore, single is never alone and is greater than ‘many’.

Me. I am enjoying my life with my loved ones and friends as I prepare myself for the coming of my one true love who will one day be proud of me—that her woman has done a lot of good things for other and for God.

More so, that he can enjoy his life with his life partner and bestfriend—from plumbing and carpentry to cooking and doing the laundry; from playing chess and scrabble to playing tennis and diving; from helping ourfamilies to serving other people and God.