Thinking Out Loud in my Boudoir: No More 'We-Men"

With even bigger work place now, these roles have expanded into international ground where trailblazing women change the mindsets and actions of others; lead international brands and companies with thousands of employees; influencing households across the globe; and managing the entire nation.

No more men’s world. Period.

It is so nice to see many empowered women at the forefront of corporate management, political leadership, legal administration, scientific studies, fine and performing arts proliferation, and many other industries.

When you watch CNN, you can see Park Geun-hye, Dilma Rousseff, Angela Merkel, Cristina Elisabet Fernández de Kirchner, Julia Gilard, Hilary Clinton, Michelle Obama, Queen Elizabeth II, Thokozile Masipa, etc.

When you open books you can read about Cory Aquino, Indira Gandhi, Amelia Earheart, Grace Hopper, Mother Teresa, Maria Montessori, Cleopatra, Mary, etc.

When you surf online, you will be amazed by Arianna Huffington, Tina Brown, Jill Abramson, Anna Wintour, Miuccia Prada, Gisele Bundchen, Tyra banks, Sushmita Sen, etc.

When you scan through broadsheets you will find Sheryl Sandberg, Janet Napolitano, Helen Clark, Sonia Gandhi, Indra Nooyi, Virginia Rometty, Mary Barra, Amy Pascal, Ertharin Cousin, Sri Mulyani Indrawati, etc.

When you turn on TV you see Christiane Amanpour, Oprah, Angelina Jolie, Beyonce Knowles, Jessica Soho, Samantha Brown, Taylor Swift, Monita Rajpal, Sisaundra Lewis, etc.

The time has come when the clear and perceptible boundary between colors, races, and even sexes have gradually evaporated with time.

The border is not completely eradicated yet, as some other nations are still bound by their longstanding traditions and cultures on how they treat and deal with women in society; nonetheless, women empowerment has been a productive effort far and away.

This social campaign [or even personal struggle for many] to stop the discrimination against women and the limitations set on women in terms of opportunities, rights, privileges, and even duties have been in existence since time immemorial.

Mythology and legend used to be the only world where women were hailed as powerful and influential.

But now, it is very encouraging and inspiring to see a lot of girls, ladies, and women excelling and leading in various fields—sports, politics, arts, corporate world, mass media, etc.

Thanks to the great women, both in the international arena and household alike, because they have continuously proved that women can do more than domestic activities through the lives they have lived and the way they have raised their daughters. Not to mention, those secured men who acknowledge the capabilities and strength of women also paved the way for the light of women’s brilliance to shine.

Because of them, we now enjoy this era where we have the power and freedom to go beyond the backstage and speak our voices and exercise our rights; share the same board room and platforms with men;  and conduct exhibitions with equal space with the other sex.

Women then and now have played roles in shaping the minds of the people, leading a pack, influencing the people around them, managing affairs and finances—all these start at home.

With even bigger work place now, these roles have expanded into international ground where trailblazing women change the mindsets and actions of others; lead international brands and companies with thousands of employees; influencing households across the globe; and managing the entire nation.

Having read and watched documentaries about the lives of these powerful women at home and around the globe, I have noticed common attributes:

         1. Balance your mind with heart. Work deliberately and with keen mind, but deal with people with considerate and kind heart.

         2. Know yourself and be familiar with the little voice inside you. Discover your gut and instinct and work with them. Women’s instinct is reliable.

         3. Be confident. Fake it until you make it. Even if you don’t know what you are doing, just fearlessly, creatively, gracefully, and deliberately do it.

         4. Take accountability. Be clear of your responsibilities. When you know your responsibilities and the consequences of your actions, you channel your energy on a particular goal and become efficient in doing the tasks.

         5. Don’t be afraid to fail—and learn from them. When you fall, stand up with grace and class. Failure polishes our character, purifies our intentions, strengthens our core, enhances our endurance, and makes us wiser.

         6. Be compassionate. Treat people how you would like to be treated. Your colleagues aren’t machines, just like you they commit mistakes and fail sometimes.

         7. Prioritize. Know the important and urgent things. Be disciplined to delay gratification—eat the cake first before the icing. But girls that we are, just enjoy what’s at hand!

         8. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. You are human, you have emotions. We are privileged that our society is more open seeing women cry, compassionate, and empathetic. Your emotions make you creative and interesting.

         9. Live a balanced life. Be the best mother, the interesting wife, the model boss, the cool officemate, the motivating competitor, and the approachable person. Bottom line, live a purposeful and colorful life!

        10. Be you. Be comfortable of your skin, your height, your figure, your features. If you don’t love and respect yourself, no one will.

In women's world, it is not lonely at the top.

It’s good how systematic and innovative women can be. Because women are born with invisible friendship cuff with other women,  many women who seem to be competitors are actually good friends behind the camera like Donatella Versace and Miuccia Prada. Also, many business executives traverse conference table from purely business discussions to motherhood stories to personal interests and vice versa.

Women love to share ideas, give pieces of professional and personal advice, exchange parenting tips, update children’s new trips or interests, gossip about husbands’ funny habits, and open up their vulnerabilities.

Let’s celebrate our womanhood! And continue our quest of empowering others, both men and women alike.

It is in women’s DNA that we care about others and are compassionate of others, we inherit this from our mothers and we grew up seeing this in our big sisters, grandmothers, and aunties.

PS: Let us not forget there are still many girls, ladies, and women suffering from modern slavery. There are estimated 27 million slaves around the world and most of them are females who are being exploited for sexual labor against their will and the average age of victims is 12 years old. So let us stand up, be involved, and support others to break free from their sufferings even in our little ways. Nothing is too small in helping others help themselves.

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Thinking Out Loud in my Boudoir is a column for some of my random thoughts that, perhaps, other ladies my age are also experiencing or thinking of—whether from same vantage point or another. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s just my own voice reverberating in my own world. I will do my best to discriminate my reason in this column, and just write spontaneously the first things and thoughts that a normal lady could think of. Just writing as I think...

Thinking Out Loud in My Boudoir: Ladies' Excitement

Thinking Out Loud in my Boudoir is a column for some of my random thoughts that, perhaps, other ladies my age are also experiencing or thinking of—whether from same vantage point or another. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s just my own voice reverberating in my own world. I will do my best to discriminate my reason in this column, and just write spontaneously the first things and thoughts that a normal lady could think of. Just writing as I think...

To kick things off... here's my very first TOL :-)

I’m just so excited about certain things right now…and one of them is having this column, so ta-dah!

As I now immediately act upon my excitement that just sprang forth five minutes ago, I am all together amazed (and puzzled by the way) of us ladies’ “excitement” for the things we want.

When we want something, we sometimes tend to get so giddy about it, and usually we want it like NOW, have it now.

I am guilty of this crime, and sometimes even fall victim of my own crime. That’s why I am so cautious and deliberate when it comes to the more serious stuff (heck yes, this rationalization has no space in here *winks*).

But yes, it’s also fun when things get complicated and chaotic, because from there we learn and become wiser and life gets more colorful.  OR, is it just another lie we tell ourselves to assuage our guilt or the pain or for us not to see ourselves stupid?

Whatever. The ladies that we are… We sometimes just want to have fun :-)

That’s one of the privileges of being a “she”. I mean, it’s okay for us to be openly vulnerable, to fall, to commit mistakes, to cry…and just brush things aside and laugh things off or cry things away with our girlfriends.

But I guess the most important part to remember about our being passionate is that we shouldn't make ourselves overly passionate. Yes passion, excitement, zeal, desire—whatever and however you call it—they’re all good, but not when too much.

I'm in my 20s right now and there’s a big and wonderful life  ahead of me. I’m passionate about my law studies, about my dream of becoming a diplomat or working for an NGO, having a wonderful family, and the list goes on. Shoot girlfriend you also have a long list of the things you want to have and want to be.

We are excited about love, first kiss, new place to visit, new book, even first love making… but we don’t usually think of failing, betrayal, falling apart, etc; maybe because they block off our excitement, which is a very good feeling, right?

“This is what I want. I’ll get it. I want it now.”

So to get it, we sometimes think it’s better to lie or fake even just once; then another one; and another one.

But punkin, our actions have consequences… Of course, we all know that.

So whatever way it is we choose to take in order to get what we want, have fun but be responsible.

I’m not saying we do this or that. Different strokes for different folks, right? And I respect your choices. What I am just saying is we better get them with openness reflecting who we really are and with honesty about what we really want, and always always always take accountability.

So yes, girls, we want to have fun—and thrill.

And yes, ladies, we also want to have fun—and sophistication.

And yes, women, we also want to have fun—and dignity.

Oh right, our fun comes in different phases and degrees.

Just in case we stumble in excitement, just get up with some booty-tooching and flip-and-wave.

You’ll get what’s best for you…

Go girl! Don’t think like them, think like you… because there’s nothing much more liberating and empowering than to be who you really are, a lady who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to get what she wants. :-)

Float on Tears or Fly with Grace

Do you still often find yourself subconsciously picking up all the pieces of shattered memories and pulling through all the yarns that could link you back with him?

Whatever caused our cherished relationships to break, many of us, women, remain locked up in the past that we want to blow life to all the images that flash in our heads and turn them into reality. Since women usually have a relatively longer bargaining phase than men, many of us succumb to our emotions and let go of our pride just to rekindle the old flame. However, due to some not-so-good experiences, there are also others who desire to get their men back in their lives because they want to turn the tables around.

Whatever our motives are in winning our men back, we can always resolve to live our lives in ways that will both favor our victory in deliberately getting our men back and our success in purposely improving ourselves—that may unintentionally lead him back to us.

1. We can have a solid kick off by having a clear and resolute decision of loving ourselves first before anybody else.

Men in our generation are aware that only when one is capable of loving herself enough, that she is able to love others properly. In our fast-paced and competitive environment today, most men prefer women who value and respect themselves for this means security and assurance, whether men are around or not.

A woman who values and respects oneself will not allow herself to fall into wrongdoings that might affect each of them, and eventually the relationship. She will commit herself to continuous growth—discovering what she can do and how she can do it best—so her man will always have something to be proud of her and so she has a good self-image of herself, preventing her to feel insecure and jealous.

A woman who loves herself is naturally caring, understanding, sympathetic, and supportive because she herself knows what love is and how it is to be loved.

2. We must learn the skill on how to properly and decently send our men signals that we are totally over and have already accepted the breakup—although the reality is otherwise.

Making a man believe that you have already moved on usually hits his ego and stirs him to think whether he is your loss or you are his loss. Showing no desperation in winning him back conversely makes him desperate to come back to you to prove his worth and chase the self-sufficient woman that he has just left.

Men over 25 years old usually don’t find women who are clingy, possessive, and obsessed cute and lovable. The older the men gets, all the more they appreciate women who can be their partners rather than their pets.

3. It is also important that we always look our best—internally and externally. Maintaining inner and outer beauty will in no way drive away your man.

Take advantage of how well you have known him in your years together. Put on a dress that has the color and style he likes; arrange your hair the way that he finds sexy; and use the perfume you were using so his feeling will be swept back to the times when you were still together.

Having a girlfriend with a good heart and a prudent mind is nothing but an ideal significant other for most men. External beauty fades through the years, but internal beauty becomes more valuable as years go by—serving as the couple’s armor against life’s series of storms and relationship trials.

Any ex-boyfriend couldn’t help but snivel on the sight of a beautiful woman with a golden heart being admired and respected by other men.

4. Maintaining warm relationships with our men’s friends and family members is also another good move that requires discreet moves.

Being nice and warm with his crowd is like having a free of charge award-winning advertisement on how good you are as a friend and a family member. Nonetheless, sincerity must be the main theme of your personal ad. Friends are like sharks sharp in smelling deceptions and role plays, but they can also be your genie helping you get what you wish for.

Being warm and nice with his clique will show how diplomatic you are in dealing issues. Also, this can signal to him that you are a good partner to be with in both good and not-so-good times.

5. Lastly, let’s just always be ourselves.

Being the woman that you really are will help ignite his feelings once more. Who you truly are was the reason why he became attracted to you. Maybe it’s the perfect time to look at yourself and retrospect. Have you changed a lot? Are the changes because of improvement? Or you have already matured that’s why there are changes.

While doing all these, you are also helping yourself become the esteemed woman you need to be whether he comes back to your or not. If he comes back, it means you are really wired and meant for each other. If he doesn’t, then rejoice because you have already started spreading your wings and now more prepared to take off and soar the vast heavens of possibilities and opportunities.