Thinking Out Loud in my Boudoir: No More 'We-Men"

With even bigger work place now, these roles have expanded into international ground where trailblazing women change the mindsets and actions of others; lead international brands and companies with thousands of employees; influencing households across the globe; and managing the entire nation.

No more men’s world. Period.

It is so nice to see many empowered women at the forefront of corporate management, political leadership, legal administration, scientific studies, fine and performing arts proliferation, and many other industries.

When you watch CNN, you can see Park Geun-hye, Dilma Rousseff, Angela Merkel, Cristina Elisabet Fernández de Kirchner, Julia Gilard, Hilary Clinton, Michelle Obama, Queen Elizabeth II, Thokozile Masipa, etc.

When you open books you can read about Cory Aquino, Indira Gandhi, Amelia Earheart, Grace Hopper, Mother Teresa, Maria Montessori, Cleopatra, Mary, etc.

When you surf online, you will be amazed by Arianna Huffington, Tina Brown, Jill Abramson, Anna Wintour, Miuccia Prada, Gisele Bundchen, Tyra banks, Sushmita Sen, etc.

When you scan through broadsheets you will find Sheryl Sandberg, Janet Napolitano, Helen Clark, Sonia Gandhi, Indra Nooyi, Virginia Rometty, Mary Barra, Amy Pascal, Ertharin Cousin, Sri Mulyani Indrawati, etc.

When you turn on TV you see Christiane Amanpour, Oprah, Angelina Jolie, Beyonce Knowles, Jessica Soho, Samantha Brown, Taylor Swift, Monita Rajpal, Sisaundra Lewis, etc.

The time has come when the clear and perceptible boundary between colors, races, and even sexes have gradually evaporated with time.

The border is not completely eradicated yet, as some other nations are still bound by their longstanding traditions and cultures on how they treat and deal with women in society; nonetheless, women empowerment has been a productive effort far and away.

This social campaign [or even personal struggle for many] to stop the discrimination against women and the limitations set on women in terms of opportunities, rights, privileges, and even duties have been in existence since time immemorial.

Mythology and legend used to be the only world where women were hailed as powerful and influential.

But now, it is very encouraging and inspiring to see a lot of girls, ladies, and women excelling and leading in various fields—sports, politics, arts, corporate world, mass media, etc.

Thanks to the great women, both in the international arena and household alike, because they have continuously proved that women can do more than domestic activities through the lives they have lived and the way they have raised their daughters. Not to mention, those secured men who acknowledge the capabilities and strength of women also paved the way for the light of women’s brilliance to shine.

Because of them, we now enjoy this era where we have the power and freedom to go beyond the backstage and speak our voices and exercise our rights; share the same board room and platforms with men;  and conduct exhibitions with equal space with the other sex.

Women then and now have played roles in shaping the minds of the people, leading a pack, influencing the people around them, managing affairs and finances—all these start at home.

With even bigger work place now, these roles have expanded into international ground where trailblazing women change the mindsets and actions of others; lead international brands and companies with thousands of employees; influencing households across the globe; and managing the entire nation.

Having read and watched documentaries about the lives of these powerful women at home and around the globe, I have noticed common attributes:

         1. Balance your mind with heart. Work deliberately and with keen mind, but deal with people with considerate and kind heart.

         2. Know yourself and be familiar with the little voice inside you. Discover your gut and instinct and work with them. Women’s instinct is reliable.

         3. Be confident. Fake it until you make it. Even if you don’t know what you are doing, just fearlessly, creatively, gracefully, and deliberately do it.

         4. Take accountability. Be clear of your responsibilities. When you know your responsibilities and the consequences of your actions, you channel your energy on a particular goal and become efficient in doing the tasks.

         5. Don’t be afraid to fail—and learn from them. When you fall, stand up with grace and class. Failure polishes our character, purifies our intentions, strengthens our core, enhances our endurance, and makes us wiser.

         6. Be compassionate. Treat people how you would like to be treated. Your colleagues aren’t machines, just like you they commit mistakes and fail sometimes.

         7. Prioritize. Know the important and urgent things. Be disciplined to delay gratification—eat the cake first before the icing. But girls that we are, just enjoy what’s at hand!

         8. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. You are human, you have emotions. We are privileged that our society is more open seeing women cry, compassionate, and empathetic. Your emotions make you creative and interesting.

         9. Live a balanced life. Be the best mother, the interesting wife, the model boss, the cool officemate, the motivating competitor, and the approachable person. Bottom line, live a purposeful and colorful life!

        10. Be you. Be comfortable of your skin, your height, your figure, your features. If you don’t love and respect yourself, no one will.

In women's world, it is not lonely at the top.

It’s good how systematic and innovative women can be. Because women are born with invisible friendship cuff with other women,  many women who seem to be competitors are actually good friends behind the camera like Donatella Versace and Miuccia Prada. Also, many business executives traverse conference table from purely business discussions to motherhood stories to personal interests and vice versa.

Women love to share ideas, give pieces of professional and personal advice, exchange parenting tips, update children’s new trips or interests, gossip about husbands’ funny habits, and open up their vulnerabilities.

Let’s celebrate our womanhood! And continue our quest of empowering others, both men and women alike.

It is in women’s DNA that we care about others and are compassionate of others, we inherit this from our mothers and we grew up seeing this in our big sisters, grandmothers, and aunties.

PS: Let us not forget there are still many girls, ladies, and women suffering from modern slavery. There are estimated 27 million slaves around the world and most of them are females who are being exploited for sexual labor against their will and the average age of victims is 12 years old. So let us stand up, be involved, and support others to break free from their sufferings even in our little ways. Nothing is too small in helping others help themselves.

-----------------------

Thinking Out Loud in my Boudoir is a column for some of my random thoughts that, perhaps, other ladies my age are also experiencing or thinking of—whether from same vantage point or another. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s just my own voice reverberating in my own world. I will do my best to discriminate my reason in this column, and just write spontaneously the first things and thoughts that a normal lady could think of. Just writing as I think...

Sure, You Can Make It!

Intelligence and money are not reasons to pull you down or to hinder you from achieving your goals.

 

Sure, learning is a process.

Sure, maturity is a choice.

Sure, life is a constant voyage.

Sure, each of us is given built-in skills that will enable us to be better and to better enjoy this good life.

Sure, we are the captain of our own lives.

We can become whoever we want to be. Truly, we are not given equal amount of talents, skills, and other gifts gifts; but surely, we are all given the same amount of time each day—24 hours. Whether too long or too short for you, we can’t do anything to adjust its length.

Time is equally given to each of us—rich-poor, young-old, girl-boy, literate-illiterate, good-bad. 24 houts a day; 525,600 minutes a year. Period.

Time is fixed. But the good news is, we can diminish or increase its value by how we make choices and how we act upon our choices.

Learning and maturity should be directly proportional to our time alive, our age. But we all know that a big chunk of humanity is not a reflection of it. I’m not discounting myself.

If we look around, we will see many people who have become skilled and empowered in their chosen fields, and  some in the places they found themselves. However, there are more people who are otherwise or who don’t enjoy the lives they are entitled to enjoy.

We sometimes catch ourselves quipping, “She’s brilliant. I wonder why she ended up like that,” or “He’s diligent, but it seems he toils today to feed himself today so he can work tomorrow.”

(Setting aside those people who are able to get what they want because they know how to manipulate people for their own advantage, or see things as “delegation” when in fact they know in themselves that they intentionally make others do things for them, or get to finish a requirement by doing 20% of the work…)

The legit achiever knows four basic things: diligence, focus, responsibility, and sharing. The self-made achiever is like a house built on a rock, strong storm or raging flood comes, it stands firm. Wherever you put him, whatever you ask of him, whenever you need him, he can deliver well.

I. Diligence

Being diligent doesn’t require exceptional IQ. What one needs is only common sense and initiative. Being diligent is being able to discern what an ordinary prudent man would do in a specific situation.  Diligence is also the ability to delay gratification and do some a-little-tightening-here-and-a-loosening-there.

A diligent person would ask himself what shall I do first; what is the most efficient and effective way in doing this; will I bypass or disrespect or hurt someone; what degree of care is appropriate.

More than being industrious, a diligent person thinks of the implications of his actions before he executes his action plan. He eats first the icing before the cake, I mean, he does first the things he doesn’t like most so he can enjoy the rest of the day doing the things he likes.

II. Focus

A purpose driven and dedicated person knows his goal and he presses on it every single day. He knows where he should end up. Whatever the weather is—stormy or sunny; whatever kind of road he is taking—bumpy or smooth—his mind, feelings, words, and actions are all oriented to his goal.

A focused person is not discouraged or demoralized by trials or failures. Instead, he is fueled by his challenges. For him, another trial means another platform for him to stand on so he could see things from a better vantage point. He sees failure just as a delay to his goal or sometimes a detour so he may take a better path towards it.

Being focused is being able to see clearly what you want and seeing it steadily through layers upon layers of distraction.

III. Responsibility

Acceptance of responsibility is being open to challenges, pain, heartbreaks, and other uncomfortable emotions associated with growing up, achieving, and victory. Responsible persons know that trials, challenges, or problems don’t go away unless you yourself work through them, or else they will remain a hindrance to your growth and victory.

Some people deny to themselves the problems they encounter; others acknowledge the problems but do nothing about it hoping the problems will just go away. But the responsible person acknowledges his problems, sits down and studies each problem for a reasonable time, make an action plan, and face the problem properly—right time, approach, and means—based on his evaluation of the situation.

A responsible person knows that when he avoids the legitimate suffering that results from dealing with problems, he also avoids the growth that problems demand from him (Peck).

Learning is the twin of responsibility. As in taking on responsibility for what one feels, for what one ought to do, for whatever situation one finds himself, one will always surely learn whether he fails or succeeds.

A responsible person's mentality is, "Either you win or you learn."

IV. Sharing

An empowered person shares what he learns. An empowered person is someone who becomes who he is because of what he has gone through in his life. He has a personal account to share about his journey from rags to riches, or from being a victim to being the philanthropist, or from being the last to being the first, or being the nothing to being the superstar.

Having a first hand experience of the essential polishing in life—from thinking of a dream to being diligent to pursue his dream and making it a goal; to being focused and dedicated to his goal; to taking on the responsibility for every circumstance that leads him his goal—an empowered person knows the feeling and thoughts of one who is also driven to legitimately achieve their goals, which enables him to empathize and believe in them.

A small mind will tell one that his dream ridiculously difficult and he will not achieve it because of he is poor or he is not intelligent or he is ugly or he because he is who he is. But an empowered person will encourage one to pursue his dream, pray, and work hard and that if others can do it, he too can do it and may even do things better.

Sharing is a mechanism that multiplies and scatters good things in life. Sharing is the system which makes giving away good things come back in better packages, better quality, and sometimes more in quantity. Simply put, sharing makes good things last from generation to generation.

Whatever our statuses in life are or wherever we are and whatever we want to achieve, it is possible to achieve our goals if we are willing to do our part and focus our energy and resources on the goal.

Intelligence and money are not reasons to pull you down or to hinder you from achieving your goals.

Everyday, within 24 hours, do something that contributes to achieving your goals. If you want to be a teachers, entrepreneur, priest, lawyer, doctor, or corporate executive…

Think like one.

Talk like one.

Act like one.

What you think of, speak of, read about, or do in a day will make a difference in the quality and essence of your 24 hours and 525,600 minutes.

Dream. Believe. Feel. Receive. Thank. Share.

…and thank God for the each brand new day He gives you to become better, do better, and become step closer to your goal.

One sure thing, you can make it if you believe and want it.

Never underestimate your capacity and never underestimate God's power.

Pray and work hard! You can make it, I know!

Thinking Out Loud in My Boudoir: Ladies' Excitement

Thinking Out Loud in my Boudoir is a column for some of my random thoughts that, perhaps, other ladies my age are also experiencing or thinking of—whether from same vantage point or another. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s just my own voice reverberating in my own world. I will do my best to discriminate my reason in this column, and just write spontaneously the first things and thoughts that a normal lady could think of. Just writing as I think...

To kick things off... here's my very first TOL :-)

I’m just so excited about certain things right now…and one of them is having this column, so ta-dah!

As I now immediately act upon my excitement that just sprang forth five minutes ago, I am all together amazed (and puzzled by the way) of us ladies’ “excitement” for the things we want.

When we want something, we sometimes tend to get so giddy about it, and usually we want it like NOW, have it now.

I am guilty of this crime, and sometimes even fall victim of my own crime. That’s why I am so cautious and deliberate when it comes to the more serious stuff (heck yes, this rationalization has no space in here *winks*).

But yes, it’s also fun when things get complicated and chaotic, because from there we learn and become wiser and life gets more colorful.  OR, is it just another lie we tell ourselves to assuage our guilt or the pain or for us not to see ourselves stupid?

Whatever. The ladies that we are… We sometimes just want to have fun :-)

That’s one of the privileges of being a “she”. I mean, it’s okay for us to be openly vulnerable, to fall, to commit mistakes, to cry…and just brush things aside and laugh things off or cry things away with our girlfriends.

But I guess the most important part to remember about our being passionate is that we shouldn't make ourselves overly passionate. Yes passion, excitement, zeal, desire—whatever and however you call it—they’re all good, but not when too much.

I'm in my 20s right now and there’s a big and wonderful life  ahead of me. I’m passionate about my law studies, about my dream of becoming a diplomat or working for an NGO, having a wonderful family, and the list goes on. Shoot girlfriend you also have a long list of the things you want to have and want to be.

We are excited about love, first kiss, new place to visit, new book, even first love making… but we don’t usually think of failing, betrayal, falling apart, etc; maybe because they block off our excitement, which is a very good feeling, right?

“This is what I want. I’ll get it. I want it now.”

So to get it, we sometimes think it’s better to lie or fake even just once; then another one; and another one.

But punkin, our actions have consequences… Of course, we all know that.

So whatever way it is we choose to take in order to get what we want, have fun but be responsible.

I’m not saying we do this or that. Different strokes for different folks, right? And I respect your choices. What I am just saying is we better get them with openness reflecting who we really are and with honesty about what we really want, and always always always take accountability.

So yes, girls, we want to have fun—and thrill.

And yes, ladies, we also want to have fun—and sophistication.

And yes, women, we also want to have fun—and dignity.

Oh right, our fun comes in different phases and degrees.

Just in case we stumble in excitement, just get up with some booty-tooching and flip-and-wave.

You’ll get what’s best for you…

Go girl! Don’t think like them, think like you… because there’s nothing much more liberating and empowering than to be who you really are, a lady who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to get what she wants. :-)

Philippines' Reproductive Health Bill Sidebar

Policies/laws will remain letters in a sheet... if we don't act upon them.

...just saying.

Whatever the final result of this RH Bill be, I hope the major chains of this vicious cycle of poverty be prioritized not only by our lawmakers, more so by the community leaders.

EDUCATION, LIVELIHOOD, FINANCIAL LITERACY, HEALTH, and ENVIRONMENTAL needs/issues must be particularly and concretely addressed...all with sustainable community-friendly programs.

If poverty is alleviated by these, then the rationale/intent of either side of RH Bill (whichever wins) would be naturally acted upon by the people because they would be properly educated or informed, wiser, capable, and self-reliant.

We are all involved in this economic vis a vis health policy--from community level to national level.

Policies/laws will remain letters in a sheet... if we don't act upon them.

Be involved in your communities. Participate.

Empower and engage communities!

Participative development is the key.

Hit It!

It doesn't matter how big or small your foe is. What matters is how big your determination to win and how small your doubt in your capability to make it.

Arrive with a good disposition.
Kick off with a sharp service.
Play with grace.
End knowing you give your best.
Accept results with dignity.

…and always start and end with a prayer.

Whatever the weather is, wherever the action is—hard, clay, grass, or shell—if you condition your mind to win and you prepare your body to fight, the smash and the dropballs of life are not as hard to hit as you think they are.

Have a fighting heart!

Practice.

Don't play safe. Don't stagnate. Don't be overconfident.

Humble yourself in training and learn from others and from your experiences.

Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.

It doesn't matter how big or small your foe is. What matters is how big your determination to win and how small your doubt in you capability to make it.

Fight the good fight.

Play every day life's game fairly.

Listen and obey your coach. Pray to for discernment and passion to rise above every game.

Eyes on the ball—see your target clearly.
Position yourself properly before every shot—your response will go to the direction you plan.
Anticipate the ball coming—your senses will be alert serve you well.
Master the art of right timing—hit the life's smashes at the proper time, not early when you may strain yourself, not late when all you could do is hit the air.
Swing your responses with grace—rattling yourself will consume much energy, and your good form will inspire and strengthen others.
Follow through your swing—allowing your trained natural response flow full swing will make every swing, miss or hit, light to handle. Full swing… if it requires crying, grieving, celebration, then allow it and do it naturally; then return to your proper position right after you follow through within reasonable time.

Don't hit the wall. Go face the ball!
Hit—smash or drop,
Drive with grace whatever life throws at you.
As long as you fight, as long as you try, every life's match will always be worthwhile.

Never ever let life win by default. Don’t procrastinate. Don’t shrink back. Don’t mercy kill yourself.

Go, persist with a fighting and prayerful heart!

Ease With Legalese: Invoking a Valid Self-Defense

"It is good that we may be freed from criminal and civil liabilities; but it is always better to be cautious and prudent to avoid unfortunate events, or at least minimize inevitable circumstances; and it is best to know the law and our vested rights and obligations in order that we may apply well the common sense God has planted in every one of us and develop it into wisdom."

 

A playmate throwing his hand upwards, then Gigi suddenly fling her Chun Li stunt at his chest.

A brother foot-kicks Juan, then Juan suddenly gives his brother a clout.

A friend shocked you from behind, then you grab his shirt and spat him hard.

A suspicious looking guy leans at Roy while in a crowded train, then Roy suddenly lands a whack at his back.

Many times we say or hear the words, “What I did was just a self-defense.” And we think we are already justified. Our guilt would just evaporate and we then feel relieved.

The concept of self-defense has become very popular to us, that even children use them as an excuse to justify their behaviors. We think self-defense is, as the word says it, a measure to protect ourselves.

I remember when I was in college, friends belonging to fraternities even bring their pipes or clubs, or even ballpens, to use as their “self-defense” tool.

In the language of law, self-defense is man’s natural instinct to protect himself, repel an attack of aggression, and a lawful means to save himself, his property, or right from impending danger. Self-defense is treated by law as an act justifying our [supposed to be] punishable act but due the concept of self-preservation incurs no criminal liability. Self-preservation is a basic impulse born to every man and part of his nature as human being.

But using self-defense as a justification for our actions is not as simple as we think it is.

Invoking self-defense as a rationalization for the act requires one to admit that he really committed the supposed to be punishable act.

It is incumbent upon the one who defended himself/ his property or right/ another person to prove by clear and convincing evidence that he acted in honest defense, meaning his act is free from any vestige of deliberate or planned aggression. It is also important to note that self-defense is different from retaliation. As in retaliation,the aggression that was begun by the offended person already ceased when he (accused) attacked him back. While in self-defense, aggression begun by the offended party was still existing when he (accused) protected himself.

                                                                   Hence, it is very important to prove that:

1. There was unlawful aggression by the offended person;

2. There was reasonable necessity of the means you used in preventing or repelling the unlawful aggression; and

3. You did not provoke the person who attacked you

All these three elements must concur to establish that your act was really based on self-defense.

There are still other things that one should consider to establish his act of self-defense. Among them is that the aggression done to you must be in the nature of immediate and imminent danger. One may also point out where he hit the person and what tool or means he used relative to the means by which other person used to attack him first, and the degree of force you employed.

However, since one has to admit that he committed an injury to the other person as a result of his self-defense, if he is not able to sufficiently prove that he acted in lawful defense, then he will be held liable for the injury suffered by the offended party.

But if he is able to establish a clear and convincing proof, the law recognizes his act as justified and he deemed not to transgress the law, hence, free from both criminal (restriction of liberty or imprisonment, fines) and civil (eg. hospital fee, damages) liabilities.

It is good that we may be freed from criminal and civil liabilities; but it is always better to be cautious and prudent to avoid unfortunate events, or at least minimize inevitable circumstances; and it is best to know the law and our vested rights and obligations in order that we may apply well the common sense God has planted in every one of us and develop it into wisdom.

Law of society, law of nature, Divine Law… you can do well with common sense.

PS: I hope this article helps you somehow to better understand the concept of a valid “Self-Defense” as provided by the provision of the law (Paragraph 1, Article 11 of the Revised Penal Code). This is my first installment on my series of “Ease in Legalese” write-ups—my simple way of sharing what the law says in a laymanized manner so more people will be acquainted with our law and appreciate and exercise its provisions for their benefit, and incidentally, for the benefit of others as well.

Small Act Makes a Big Story!

Many amazing and great things come from small stuff or done by small things.

A tiny ant can carry scraps ten times its weight.

A mosquito bite can make the tallest, heaviest, brightest, or even the cutest guy sick.

A few centimeters of smile can bring sunshine to a gloomy day.

In the same way, you can make the entire story of your life great by starting small—choose one habit!

Yes, only one… and your entire life will change. Your future will be big!

The smallest gestures often have the humongous impact on our biggest goal! That simple gesture of kindness, note of thank you, uncomplicated "sorry", smile, slight adjustment, small talk, extra minute, etc. That certain habit we are focusing on at a specific time, in a greater or lesser degree, can bring us to our biggest star.

Start now! Write the story of your life! Don’t wait for life itself to make your own story for you.

Easy! Dream big. Start small.

 1.  “Draft” the story of the life you love by selecting one habit. (Yes, one at a time).

2.  Make your “table of contents” by mapping out the impacts it can bring to your life. Know your purpose and make a plan.

3. Move forward by creating your “introduction” or your 30-day vow with yourself. Be determined. Dedicate your time, attention, and effort in building your “introduction” which makes up the sturdy foundation of your story (desired life). Path on a grassland is made by walking on the same tall grass regularly.

4. Write every “page” with passion and honesty. Practice the habit daily. If you miss a day, go back to day one. (Of course you want to move forward). Fuel your motivation with your passion.

Our passion provides reasons and justifications for our desires. (You see a pair of red stilettos in a storeè the red stilettos make you happyèI will buy this pair of red stilettosèhundreds of because…/ Your crush tells you your fat and he likes slim ladiesèyou feel embarrassedèyour embarrassment becomes your motivation to lose weightèother reasons why you think must lose weight/ You grew up in a squalid hutèyou were belittled by a classmate and you know the discomfort living in a squalid hutèwhat you felt becomes your motivation to work and save for comfortable houseèyou find many other reasons to work and save)

5. Do your “writing activity at your most productive time”. Schedule it on a specific time. This prevents you from resorting to the destructive mañana or the do-it-later habit.

6. Make your “story dynamic”. Replace the old habit with a better or more productive activity. Don’t be stuck with the story on page one. This helps you move away from the past. (You want to flip through pages with story to tell, right?)

7. “Study the story (habit)”. Proofread. Research! Ask! Read! Talk about it with friends. This helps you fine tune and asses your story, your life.

8. Lastly, “support it!” Sell the idea to friends! They can serve as your watchdog and, at the same time, your inspiration to keep going. They can be your prayer warriors.

When your effort snowballs as each day passes by, you will have more and more motivation to keep going and have more and more reasons to change. When your effort snowballs, your target become bigger and bigger and clearer and clearer.

There is no limit to how high, big, and wide we can reach! Just be dedicated to take one step at a time; reach a little higher; go an extra inch; and stay a minute longer.

Small goes a long way!

PS: Let us pray persistently in order that we enjoy the life we desire. Spur one another on toward love and good deeds. We can be confident that He will listen to us whenever we ask Him for anything in line with His will. And if we know He is listening when we make our requests, we can be sure that He will give us what we ask for. Our loving and faithful God wants the best for us.

Float on Tears or Fly with Grace

Do you still often find yourself subconsciously picking up all the pieces of shattered memories and pulling through all the yarns that could link you back with him?

Whatever caused our cherished relationships to break, many of us, women, remain locked up in the past that we want to blow life to all the images that flash in our heads and turn them into reality. Since women usually have a relatively longer bargaining phase than men, many of us succumb to our emotions and let go of our pride just to rekindle the old flame. However, due to some not-so-good experiences, there are also others who desire to get their men back in their lives because they want to turn the tables around.

Whatever our motives are in winning our men back, we can always resolve to live our lives in ways that will both favor our victory in deliberately getting our men back and our success in purposely improving ourselves—that may unintentionally lead him back to us.

1. We can have a solid kick off by having a clear and resolute decision of loving ourselves first before anybody else.

Men in our generation are aware that only when one is capable of loving herself enough, that she is able to love others properly. In our fast-paced and competitive environment today, most men prefer women who value and respect themselves for this means security and assurance, whether men are around or not.

A woman who values and respects oneself will not allow herself to fall into wrongdoings that might affect each of them, and eventually the relationship. She will commit herself to continuous growth—discovering what she can do and how she can do it best—so her man will always have something to be proud of her and so she has a good self-image of herself, preventing her to feel insecure and jealous.

A woman who loves herself is naturally caring, understanding, sympathetic, and supportive because she herself knows what love is and how it is to be loved.

2. We must learn the skill on how to properly and decently send our men signals that we are totally over and have already accepted the breakup—although the reality is otherwise.

Making a man believe that you have already moved on usually hits his ego and stirs him to think whether he is your loss or you are his loss. Showing no desperation in winning him back conversely makes him desperate to come back to you to prove his worth and chase the self-sufficient woman that he has just left.

Men over 25 years old usually don’t find women who are clingy, possessive, and obsessed cute and lovable. The older the men gets, all the more they appreciate women who can be their partners rather than their pets.

3. It is also important that we always look our best—internally and externally. Maintaining inner and outer beauty will in no way drive away your man.

Take advantage of how well you have known him in your years together. Put on a dress that has the color and style he likes; arrange your hair the way that he finds sexy; and use the perfume you were using so his feeling will be swept back to the times when you were still together.

Having a girlfriend with a good heart and a prudent mind is nothing but an ideal significant other for most men. External beauty fades through the years, but internal beauty becomes more valuable as years go by—serving as the couple’s armor against life’s series of storms and relationship trials.

Any ex-boyfriend couldn’t help but snivel on the sight of a beautiful woman with a golden heart being admired and respected by other men.

4. Maintaining warm relationships with our men’s friends and family members is also another good move that requires discreet moves.

Being nice and warm with his crowd is like having a free of charge award-winning advertisement on how good you are as a friend and a family member. Nonetheless, sincerity must be the main theme of your personal ad. Friends are like sharks sharp in smelling deceptions and role plays, but they can also be your genie helping you get what you wish for.

Being warm and nice with his clique will show how diplomatic you are in dealing issues. Also, this can signal to him that you are a good partner to be with in both good and not-so-good times.

5. Lastly, let’s just always be ourselves.

Being the woman that you really are will help ignite his feelings once more. Who you truly are was the reason why he became attracted to you. Maybe it’s the perfect time to look at yourself and retrospect. Have you changed a lot? Are the changes because of improvement? Or you have already matured that’s why there are changes.

While doing all these, you are also helping yourself become the esteemed woman you need to be whether he comes back to your or not. If he comes back, it means you are really wired and meant for each other. If he doesn’t, then rejoice because you have already started spreading your wings and now more prepared to take off and soar the vast heavens of possibilities and opportunities.