Thinking Out Loud in My Boudoir: Escaping Reality

This will always be the reality and you can never escape it: you are in charge of your choices (mind) and your happiness (heart). Freedom is a gift. Reality is a guide. Do not escape freedom and reality.

When we were kids we wanted to grow old and assume responsibility, we were curious about a lot of things and wanted to try them.

Now that we are adults, we want to be like children—consciously or unconsciously. We want to be stress-free, problem-free. We want to be free from responsibility.

I remember just a little over the death of my father, my perspective of a lot of things changed and I started to become aware of many things, perhaps necessity dictated and demanded. I believe that was the first turning point of my life, and my “official growing up” was way too early, or so I believe.

Part of my new perspective then was that I should be grateful and excited when I recognize I have a trial. When I feel uncomfortable—pain, difficulty, negative emotion—I thought I had new things to be thankful for and to look forward to. I have new things to learn.

When I was a kid, trials or challenges or problems meant new experiences, new lessons, and wisdom.

As I (we) grow older, we think we have had learned more than enough about life, that we are better equipped after all the various experiences we have gone through in life. So we stop being interested about life and we start avoiding pains and stress brought by problems thinking we've had more than enough.

Little do we know that our knowledge of things, our mind map of our lives and our future, needs constant revision, and sometimes major revisions.

We all know that growth—in any area or aspect of our lives—requires pains and taking responsibility as we face our problems. Yet, most of us we ignore this obvious fact. As a result, we avoid responsibility and suffering.

What we don't realize is by avoiding responsibility and suffering, we either let our problems grow as we hide them and deny them, thinking they naturally go away; or we let others handle them for us.

By doing so, we either unconsciously pet our problem like growing a monster we're too scared of or we give away our liberty and control to decide for ourselves. Consequently, either way, we keep our problem and we hamper our own growth.

As adults faced with problems, we tell ourselves now:
1. It's all my fault, but I'm tired of this. I will let it be, anyway all this shall come to pass. (Blaming oneself)
2. It's his/her/their/this world's fault. I have no control over them. Why should I bother myself with his/her/its mess. The heck I care. (Blaming the world)

If we will not take the time to look at things or situations, we will not be able to identify the source of the problem and the significant problem we need to solve.

With our era, where everything is fast paced and new information is available everyday, we must be willing and deliberate in equipping ourselves with skills and knowledge to be able to keep up with time and grow with it.

Let us engage ourselves with our peers. Observe and learn from others.

Most importantly, nurture our relationship with our very own selves. Let us take the time to know ourselves better—skills, weaknesses, strengths, potentials.

Let's live in the now. Face reality. Take accountability. Embrace and accept ourselves. Know, feel, and believe that we are valuable whether people around us perceive us as such or not.

One day we will be surprised, solving life's trials and managing our time for pain and pleasure becomes natural and easy for us. What will be more surprising is, we will naturally become more grateful, blessing expert, and happy persons.

When we know in our deepest fiber that we are valuable, then we start realizing our need for constant growth and the importance of taking hold of our freedom to choose and decide for ourselves are both indispensable parts of having a good life.

And the result?

We become more willing to experience pain and we become more open to new things because we know that through them we become capable of understanding and helping ourselves, and it's ripple effect is we become resilient, understanding of others, generous, and happier than ever... All because we grow and refresh our perspective.

There will always be people and situations that will make our lives difficult, and that's the reality. Our pains or discomfort will always be part of our lives as long as we breathe. Hence, we need to constantly recognize those which are necessary problems and unnecessary ones.

To do that, we must take time to spot the source of the problem; make ourselves comfortable with it; take reasonable time to study the necessary problem; focus; solve it; and learn from it.

Know you are no longer a child totally dependent, helpless, and problem-free.

Live and act your age. Enjoy your independence in deciding for yourself and utilize your control over whatever consequence your decision may breed—painful or joyful. Take responsibility.

Nonetheless, balance your life by acting your age yet enjoying that childlike gratitude, zeal about life, and courage.

This will always be the reality and you can never escape it: you are in charge of your choices (mind) and your happiness (heart).

Freedom is a gift. Reality is a guide. Do not escape reality and freedom.

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Thinking Out Loud in my Boudoir is a column for some of my random thoughts that, perhaps, other ladies my age are also experiencing or thinking of—whether from same vantage point or another. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s just my own voice reverberating in my own world. I will do my best to discriminate my reason in this column, and just write spontaneously the first things and thoughts that a normal lady could think of. Just writing as I think...

Sure, You Can Make It!

Intelligence and money are not reasons to pull you down or to hinder you from achieving your goals.

 

Sure, learning is a process.

Sure, maturity is a choice.

Sure, life is a constant voyage.

Sure, each of us is given built-in skills that will enable us to be better and to better enjoy this good life.

Sure, we are the captain of our own lives.

We can become whoever we want to be. Truly, we are not given equal amount of talents, skills, and other gifts gifts; but surely, we are all given the same amount of time each day—24 hours. Whether too long or too short for you, we can’t do anything to adjust its length.

Time is equally given to each of us—rich-poor, young-old, girl-boy, literate-illiterate, good-bad. 24 houts a day; 525,600 minutes a year. Period.

Time is fixed. But the good news is, we can diminish or increase its value by how we make choices and how we act upon our choices.

Learning and maturity should be directly proportional to our time alive, our age. But we all know that a big chunk of humanity is not a reflection of it. I’m not discounting myself.

If we look around, we will see many people who have become skilled and empowered in their chosen fields, and  some in the places they found themselves. However, there are more people who are otherwise or who don’t enjoy the lives they are entitled to enjoy.

We sometimes catch ourselves quipping, “She’s brilliant. I wonder why she ended up like that,” or “He’s diligent, but it seems he toils today to feed himself today so he can work tomorrow.”

(Setting aside those people who are able to get what they want because they know how to manipulate people for their own advantage, or see things as “delegation” when in fact they know in themselves that they intentionally make others do things for them, or get to finish a requirement by doing 20% of the work…)

The legit achiever knows four basic things: diligence, focus, responsibility, and sharing. The self-made achiever is like a house built on a rock, strong storm or raging flood comes, it stands firm. Wherever you put him, whatever you ask of him, whenever you need him, he can deliver well.

I. Diligence

Being diligent doesn’t require exceptional IQ. What one needs is only common sense and initiative. Being diligent is being able to discern what an ordinary prudent man would do in a specific situation.  Diligence is also the ability to delay gratification and do some a-little-tightening-here-and-a-loosening-there.

A diligent person would ask himself what shall I do first; what is the most efficient and effective way in doing this; will I bypass or disrespect or hurt someone; what degree of care is appropriate.

More than being industrious, a diligent person thinks of the implications of his actions before he executes his action plan. He eats first the icing before the cake, I mean, he does first the things he doesn’t like most so he can enjoy the rest of the day doing the things he likes.

II. Focus

A purpose driven and dedicated person knows his goal and he presses on it every single day. He knows where he should end up. Whatever the weather is—stormy or sunny; whatever kind of road he is taking—bumpy or smooth—his mind, feelings, words, and actions are all oriented to his goal.

A focused person is not discouraged or demoralized by trials or failures. Instead, he is fueled by his challenges. For him, another trial means another platform for him to stand on so he could see things from a better vantage point. He sees failure just as a delay to his goal or sometimes a detour so he may take a better path towards it.

Being focused is being able to see clearly what you want and seeing it steadily through layers upon layers of distraction.

III. Responsibility

Acceptance of responsibility is being open to challenges, pain, heartbreaks, and other uncomfortable emotions associated with growing up, achieving, and victory. Responsible persons know that trials, challenges, or problems don’t go away unless you yourself work through them, or else they will remain a hindrance to your growth and victory.

Some people deny to themselves the problems they encounter; others acknowledge the problems but do nothing about it hoping the problems will just go away. But the responsible person acknowledges his problems, sits down and studies each problem for a reasonable time, make an action plan, and face the problem properly—right time, approach, and means—based on his evaluation of the situation.

A responsible person knows that when he avoids the legitimate suffering that results from dealing with problems, he also avoids the growth that problems demand from him (Peck).

Learning is the twin of responsibility. As in taking on responsibility for what one feels, for what one ought to do, for whatever situation one finds himself, one will always surely learn whether he fails or succeeds.

A responsible person's mentality is, "Either you win or you learn."

IV. Sharing

An empowered person shares what he learns. An empowered person is someone who becomes who he is because of what he has gone through in his life. He has a personal account to share about his journey from rags to riches, or from being a victim to being the philanthropist, or from being the last to being the first, or being the nothing to being the superstar.

Having a first hand experience of the essential polishing in life—from thinking of a dream to being diligent to pursue his dream and making it a goal; to being focused and dedicated to his goal; to taking on the responsibility for every circumstance that leads him his goal—an empowered person knows the feeling and thoughts of one who is also driven to legitimately achieve their goals, which enables him to empathize and believe in them.

A small mind will tell one that his dream ridiculously difficult and he will not achieve it because of he is poor or he is not intelligent or he is ugly or he because he is who he is. But an empowered person will encourage one to pursue his dream, pray, and work hard and that if others can do it, he too can do it and may even do things better.

Sharing is a mechanism that multiplies and scatters good things in life. Sharing is the system which makes giving away good things come back in better packages, better quality, and sometimes more in quantity. Simply put, sharing makes good things last from generation to generation.

Whatever our statuses in life are or wherever we are and whatever we want to achieve, it is possible to achieve our goals if we are willing to do our part and focus our energy and resources on the goal.

Intelligence and money are not reasons to pull you down or to hinder you from achieving your goals.

Everyday, within 24 hours, do something that contributes to achieving your goals. If you want to be a teachers, entrepreneur, priest, lawyer, doctor, or corporate executive…

Think like one.

Talk like one.

Act like one.

What you think of, speak of, read about, or do in a day will make a difference in the quality and essence of your 24 hours and 525,600 minutes.

Dream. Believe. Feel. Receive. Thank. Share.

…and thank God for the each brand new day He gives you to become better, do better, and become step closer to your goal.

One sure thing, you can make it if you believe and want it.

Never underestimate your capacity and never underestimate God's power.

Pray and work hard! You can make it, I know!

Standard and Choices

If you expect improvement in the quality of your life, deliberately transform your decisions and actions. Cast a vision for yourself and press on it.

If you are a “100%” person, 90% is hard to accept. If you are an “80%” person, 90% calls for a celebration.

 

Setting standards is not bad. It is neither harsh nor limiting. Rather, it allows us to freely choose on the array of better set of actions we have pre-determined before the cloud sets on top of our heads.

Standards lead us to get or land on what we want out of this good life. Standards enable us to sail with stability in the midst of storm of trials and to maneuver with direction on the fork of confusion.

What would be harsh is if you drown yourself on sadness or disappointment if you don’t get what you set yourself to achieve. But life isn’t as cruel as many of us think it is.

Shortcomings, loss, disappointments, and others sorts of pain are there to make us feel uncomfortable and prod us to desire to feel better and determinedly strive to become better.

If you lose an important thing in your life, grieve, feel the pain… but not too long, that you drown yourself in tears.

We always have a decision. Everyday we are given the opportunity and privilege to make our own choices that we deem best for ourselves—sometimes for self-preservation, other times simply as a response to our desire to become better in terms of health, relationships, career, finances, skill, etc.

Standards are there to guide us; to provide us with a concrete handle to grip on as we push towards our goals, our desires. Choices are there to allow us to freely act upon our set standards; to permit us to have a little tightening here and loosening there in times we feel or think it best to adjust the sails toward our goals.

Cast vision for yourself! Press on it.

Set standard on how you must live your life so you can optimize your gifts and resources and live a full life.

Live a balanced life by making the right choices.

Be brave! Worry not. You always have a choice on how to act upon your goals and respond to the accompanying challenges.

Direct your actions toward a certain goal. Focus your energies to your priorities. Systematize your actions. Breakdown overwhelming tasks.

Not only for our goal-setting and lifestyle that we can set standards, but also on whom to follow and be with.

We can choose either to be with someone who gives us tears or bring us joy; who stagnates us or who empowers us. We can choose a leader who acts upon the common good or who acts upon the stale principles of his party. We can choose whom to obey, the one who intoxicates us with sin or the one who died on the cross for us to be saved.

Set a standard so you can discern and choose the right things when faced with life-changing circumstances.

 

But whatever standard we put up, I encourage you to consider five things:

1       -To make what honors and glorifies God your core

2       -To regard only the things which bring good to most people

3       -To be constant in your journey on the path of uprightness, no matter how uncomfortable the trip may be

4       -To remain grateful and hopeful, knowing God is at work in your life everyday

5       -To act responsibly, no matter what you choose to get or act upon on

If you expect improvement in the quality of your life, deliberately transform your decisions and actions.

Change only happens through series of actions, not through words. Go make a choice and act upon it! If you are determined, you can do it!

Set a standard, and make a choice that is rooted in it.

Flash Fiction: Rollin’

Oh so then, I didn't' know I had a choice. Only had I listened and responded to what my heart desired, I could have enjoyed better my ride. 

Various sceneries pass through me. Some beautiful, others weird. Some open field, others walls of trees.

They run so quick past through me. I wanna enjoy their beauty, I wanna feel their queerness.

They don't stop, they don't even pause. I wanna hold them and stay and admire their beauty. I wanna observe them and stay and understand their oddness.

Roll, go roll! Things go so fast past through me. They roll without pausing.

Few moments more, I see no more ahead. Then, I realized, it's me who rolls so swiftly.

Oh so then, I didn't' know I had a choice. Only had I listened and responded to what my heart desired, I could have enjoyed better my ride.

Now I'm at the dead-end  my journey so quick. I didn't get hold of any—I just saw them but I missed savoring their beauty.

The last drop of gasoline couldn't take me back, no matter how much I want to. The hefty bucks I own couldn't do any good to bring me back. Now I'm stuck at the end.

Now where did the quick roll take me? Only if I listened to the desires of my heart. Only if I paused, get off, and touched life’s beauty.

Only if... I knew I always had a choice.

Pause. Breathe. Appreciate life’s beauty. Enjoy. Hang loose. Explore responsibly. Be grateful.

Rollin' without regrettin'.

Punto de Vista

As I arrived home, the news on the proposal of the Kabataan (youth) Party List  greeted me... and so here's my two cents worth...

The news on Kabataan Partylist’s proposal to ban celebration of religious activities at public offices made me squint, drop my jaw, and grimace... Rep, please revisit articles 131, 132, and 133 of the Revised Penal Code—I think they’re clear enough to be understood by a law maker, and no need to spend the public’s money for amendment or passing of another bill prohibiting it.

As per news (on Bandila), your objective is to give equal opportunities to all religious affiliations to express their rights... but it think the bill you’re attempting to propose is doing the opposite—it would limit the rights of the people to express their religious rights and/or to peacefully assemble or conduct public meetings, if not religious worship.

This practice of holding religious activities have been long customarily done in the public offices… and these activities have not been proven to be injurious to the rights of the members of other religious affiliations… no need to exercise Police Power to regulate it then.

To provide equal opportunity and enjoyment among these religious groups, why not provide them prayer rooms like what our Muslim brothers and sisters in the public office are requesting for or rooms for other religious groups’ religious/spiritual/social activities.

Why abolish something helpful to the moral development and values formation of the citizens, especially the public officers, who are supposed to be the role models of the citizens and the youth?

These peaceful activities of the religious are helpful and healthful… Don’t deprive the people of their rights and privileges; nor regulate something beneficial to the general welfare of the people without even a sound legal ground.

I strongly believe the Kabataan Partylist can do better than this proposal. I strongly believe the youth can bring about a really wise revolution beneficial to the mental, emotional, and spiritual growth of our fellow youths…not to mention, our values formation, which has significant transcendence in shaping the next wave of responsible citizenry.

Education. Health. Sports development. Environmental awareness. Financial literacy. Volunteerism and service. These are the core areas that we, the youths, need to be involved in more and have an active participation and growth.

Let the fundamental law of the state be interpreted and applied in the light of the wisdom of the framers… so far, this set of laws is adaptive and it still keeps up with our times. Pass bills which our youths, your constituents, NEED more—not those you incumbent Rep think is appropriate now. Don’t be pressured by the nearing elections. There are more important matters concerning youth that need your attention and energy.  :-)

Sincerely and respectfully,

Your fellow youth