Thinking Out Loud in My Boudoir: Escaping Reality

This will always be the reality and you can never escape it: you are in charge of your choices (mind) and your happiness (heart). Freedom is a gift. Reality is a guide. Do not escape freedom and reality.

When we were kids we wanted to grow old and assume responsibility, we were curious about a lot of things and wanted to try them.

Now that we are adults, we want to be like children—consciously or unconsciously. We want to be stress-free, problem-free. We want to be free from responsibility.

I remember just a little over the death of my father, my perspective of a lot of things changed and I started to become aware of many things, perhaps necessity dictated and demanded. I believe that was the first turning point of my life, and my “official growing up” was way too early, or so I believe.

Part of my new perspective then was that I should be grateful and excited when I recognize I have a trial. When I feel uncomfortable—pain, difficulty, negative emotion—I thought I had new things to be thankful for and to look forward to. I have new things to learn.

When I was a kid, trials or challenges or problems meant new experiences, new lessons, and wisdom.

As I (we) grow older, we think we have had learned more than enough about life, that we are better equipped after all the various experiences we have gone through in life. So we stop being interested about life and we start avoiding pains and stress brought by problems thinking we've had more than enough.

Little do we know that our knowledge of things, our mind map of our lives and our future, needs constant revision, and sometimes major revisions.

We all know that growth—in any area or aspect of our lives—requires pains and taking responsibility as we face our problems. Yet, most of us we ignore this obvious fact. As a result, we avoid responsibility and suffering.

What we don't realize is by avoiding responsibility and suffering, we either let our problems grow as we hide them and deny them, thinking they naturally go away; or we let others handle them for us.

By doing so, we either unconsciously pet our problem like growing a monster we're too scared of or we give away our liberty and control to decide for ourselves. Consequently, either way, we keep our problem and we hamper our own growth.

As adults faced with problems, we tell ourselves now:
1. It's all my fault, but I'm tired of this. I will let it be, anyway all this shall come to pass. (Blaming oneself)
2. It's his/her/their/this world's fault. I have no control over them. Why should I bother myself with his/her/its mess. The heck I care. (Blaming the world)

If we will not take the time to look at things or situations, we will not be able to identify the source of the problem and the significant problem we need to solve.

With our era, where everything is fast paced and new information is available everyday, we must be willing and deliberate in equipping ourselves with skills and knowledge to be able to keep up with time and grow with it.

Let us engage ourselves with our peers. Observe and learn from others.

Most importantly, nurture our relationship with our very own selves. Let us take the time to know ourselves better—skills, weaknesses, strengths, potentials.

Let's live in the now. Face reality. Take accountability. Embrace and accept ourselves. Know, feel, and believe that we are valuable whether people around us perceive us as such or not.

One day we will be surprised, solving life's trials and managing our time for pain and pleasure becomes natural and easy for us. What will be more surprising is, we will naturally become more grateful, blessing expert, and happy persons.

When we know in our deepest fiber that we are valuable, then we start realizing our need for constant growth and the importance of taking hold of our freedom to choose and decide for ourselves are both indispensable parts of having a good life.

And the result?

We become more willing to experience pain and we become more open to new things because we know that through them we become capable of understanding and helping ourselves, and it's ripple effect is we become resilient, understanding of others, generous, and happier than ever... All because we grow and refresh our perspective.

There will always be people and situations that will make our lives difficult, and that's the reality. Our pains or discomfort will always be part of our lives as long as we breathe. Hence, we need to constantly recognize those which are necessary problems and unnecessary ones.

To do that, we must take time to spot the source of the problem; make ourselves comfortable with it; take reasonable time to study the necessary problem; focus; solve it; and learn from it.

Know you are no longer a child totally dependent, helpless, and problem-free.

Live and act your age. Enjoy your independence in deciding for yourself and utilize your control over whatever consequence your decision may breed—painful or joyful. Take responsibility.

Nonetheless, balance your life by acting your age yet enjoying that childlike gratitude, zeal about life, and courage.

This will always be the reality and you can never escape it: you are in charge of your choices (mind) and your happiness (heart).

Freedom is a gift. Reality is a guide. Do not escape reality and freedom.

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Thinking Out Loud in my Boudoir is a column for some of my random thoughts that, perhaps, other ladies my age are also experiencing or thinking of—whether from same vantage point or another. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s just my own voice reverberating in my own world. I will do my best to discriminate my reason in this column, and just write spontaneously the first things and thoughts that a normal lady could think of. Just writing as I think...

Protecting Yourself from Vampires

The biggest blessing of protecting yourself from difficult people is gaining the freedom to genuinely see the seed of goodness that God planted in their hearts and their significant roles in refining and molding you to the wiser, more loving, and more joyful person that you are now…or simply the better you.

Do you feel exhausted? Are you fed up? Is someone sucking your energy?

You have the power to protect yourself!

After spotting your vampire, it is important to protect yourselves from your personal vampires; otherwise, they will attack your core and decay your soul or will influence you and make you one of them.

Their national game that exhausts you is the “Damned if you do; Damned if you Don’t” game.

Whether your vampire is your parent, boss, spouse, or close friend, you still need to protect yourself from them so you can love them more, or at least preserve yourself so you can give more of yourself—you have the energy and zest to serve, care for, and love those who deserve your energy most.

You cannot give what you don’t have! If your energy is low, you cannot help others. If you’re stressed out and irritated, it’s hard to sincerely share joy. If your heart is full of hatred, how can you genuinely give love? If you lack knowledge, how can you properly guide and teach the younger ones?

Hence, we need to protect ourselves so we have selves to give to others through service, friendships, and by simply sharing blessings.

But in order to protect ourselves from these difficult persons, we need first to recognize and appreciate that “understanding” them is the key to free ourselves from their bondage and vicious cycle. Still, we need to protect ourselves from them.

Don’t allow them to abuse you, nor allow yourself to spoil or tolerate them. Otherwise, you will bear the consequences of making a vampire in others.

If you love someone, you set him free and want him to be happy and successful… same goes for yourself (Leviticus 19:18, “love your neighbor as yourself.”)

Loving our vampire neighbors does not mean allowing them to stress us out. Instead, loving them means not spoiling and tolerating them and protecting ourselves from them by putting boundaries or limitations so we can love them properly sans the decaying stress between us.

Unless you’re free from the power of difficult people, you cannot understand and love them.

Remember, you have the power to break free and to protect yourself! You will not be tested beyond your capacity to solve your trials, including freeing yourself from your vampires.

We can protect ourselves from the vampires by preparing for their “Damned if you do; Damned if you don’t” game without the intention to hurt them.

So basic and simple like ABC 123. Here’s how…

Be aware. We need to deliberately and properly prepare for the difficult situations the vampires have had hurling at us time and again; so when it happens again, we already know what to do to protect ourselves and go about the situation to avoid further and unnecessary hurts.

Love ourselves. Loving oneself breeds respect for oneself. It makes us feel good about ourselves; thus loving ourselves naturally and automatically creates sturdy wall that protects us from exhausting vampires. Properly loving ourselves results in good health, good disposition, and doing good to others.

Living with a vampire is tantamount to allowing ourselves to be punished emotionally (sleepless nights and trauma), physically (sickness due to stress), spiritually (losing purpose, dreams, vision, and direction).

Damned if you do… damned if you don’t game.

Imagine this: You’re watching TV at home with your older brother. You’re enjoying the show. You’re laughing, you’re learning. Then suddenly you feel hungry. You get your favorite pasta and bread from the dining table, the last serving and the only food left by your mom for afternoon snack. When you return to the living room, your brother is surfing the channels and asks you to give him your food…  if you will give him the food he will eat them all as he scans the channels through the only remote; if you will not, he will throw hurting words at you, bully you, and will still get the food from you and will not let you hold the remote control as he is watches another show.

So what you do…

      1.    Retreat and find food elsewhere

Take one step backward so you can take two steps forward.

This may mean staying away and taking a break, pausing and catching some breath, and recuperating elsewhere for a while.

It may also mean not cutting relationship with the vampires. It may mean decreasing your time with the vampires. By doing this, you strike your chances of being drained or influenced by the vampire (Proverbs 22:24-25, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered  person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.”)

If your boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on you or manipulating you, then walk out and find food elsewhere. If you have friends who are sucking your energy, joy, and peace, then spend lesser time with them.

      2.      Protect your head and eat your food

Bask in the sun, float on top of the wave.

This entails creating an emotional space between you and the difficult person.

If your vampire is your boss, spouse, or parents, you cannot just walk out immediately and create a physical space; hence you create an emotional space. As Eleanor Roosevelt puts it, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

We can create emotional space by imagining, especially when the truth is not obvious.

Imagine your difficult person as little Hercules.

Reduce the significance and impact of your vampire on you. Whatever he says or does becomes insignificant to you. You no longer focus on his sweet empty words or you can take his harsh words as unsharpened doubled-bladed sword. Now, you see your little Hercules vampire shout at you, but you cannot understand his little voice. You see him, but you’re no longer terrified.

Though this way, you focus on the only two important opinions, “First, what God thinks of you—full of potential, beautiful lamb, and a victor; second, your opinion of yourself—who you can be and want to be.”

Imagine an angel coming.

Through this way, you emphasize the element of “understanding.”

You see his brokenness not his badness.

By surrendering the difficult person to God, you let your angel come to take the vampire from your life to bring it to God’s repair room.

Imagine the truth.

Through this way, you give yourself time to “retrospect, honestly evaluate yourself, and listen to the hopes and dreams of the still voice inside you.”

The evil is in the business of deceiving you.

If one wants to become better in whatever aspect of his life, the evil will always try to pull him down, trap him, or to block the way just to keep him chained in his dark, unhappy underworld.

So, “Watch and pray so you will not fall into temptation (Mark 14:38), and  If God is for us, who can be against us? It is God who justifies (Romans 8:31-32).” 

If you want to get rid of your emotional vampires and achieve your dreams, you need someone who believes in you and in your dreams and who supports and cheers you on as you reach them.

There will always be people who will spice up your life with difficulty and challenges, whether they’re conscious of it or not. Moreover, there will always be people around you who will hold opinion about what you believe in or do, and they may even have predictions about your life… but hey, it’s okay!

 

You have a choice… to remain with the vampire or to break free.

You have two important stronghold… what God thinks of you and what you think of yourself.

The biggest blessing of protecting yourself from difficult people is gaining the freedom to genuinely see the seed of goodness that God planted in their hearts and their significant roles in refining and molding you to the wiser, more loving, and more joyful person that you are now…or simply the better you.

FLY! First Love Yourself.

 (Third and last installment, Unfinished Business: Transforming the Vampire will be posted soon)

When Smiling Does a Lot and Silence Says More

"...we shouldn't be angry at the people who use, curse, ridicule, or betray us. Instead, we must pray for them because they might be undergoing something we don't know. They might be deeply wounded or confused or lost."


Many of us are familiar with the itching provocative feeling when a friend or a relative uses us for his/her advantage. I myself have my own fair share of such stories.

I am naturally an expressive and frank person. But there are just those moments when I simply choose to just smile and be silent no matter how hurtful or provoking the circumstance is.

I believe it is God working inside me. It isn't my normal response then--either I talk with the person in private or I would be indifferent because of pride.

I have been betrayed by a close friend when we were in high school. She used my name for her to get what she wanted and even tried to stain my reputation by giving statements that she said was from me. I was totally clueless. Good thing, another friend who knows me so well thought that she was so sure I couldn't be involved in that situation and told me about it. Another instance was when another close friend used my name to cover up her situation. She looks naive and sweet, nobody would ever think that it was really her who did such thing--and with my outgoing, outspoken, extrovert personality, everybody would think it was me who's the suspect.

The particular things they did to me were so provoking that I wanted to confront them flat to their faces. But I opted not to. I didn't know what was going on inside me that I preferred not to defend myself; rather, I chose to just smile, just be silent, and pray for prudence and peace that I urgently need.

Time passed. Now I realized situations of same the nature—provoking, tormenting, hurting, and saddening—happen in our lives so we may appreciate even more the support of our families, who as sure as the sun will rise will emerge and console us; know our true friends; receive the grace of self-discipline; and obtain emotional maturity and strength in character in the midst of torrents of feelings running through our veins.

I learned tonight from a Bible reflection that we shouldn't be angry at the people who use, curse, ridicule, or betray us. Instead, we must pray for them because they might be undergoing something we don't know. They might be deeply wounded or confused or lost.

If we truly want to see ourselves as people who are living upright lives (that we even assess our projected integrity), then we must start from within and take the upward steps of forgiveness and understanding to make it real and meaningful.

Whenever people put you down or pick holes in you, just smile. Forgive even if you don't understand why. In your quiet moment, understanding from heaven will descend upon you. Then, your silence will radiate the peace that you hold and will speak to the heart of the one who hurt you in ways you cannot imagine, because God will work it out for you if you just surrender the situation to Him.

PS:

As King David said in 1 Sammuel 16: 11-12 , "Leave him alone; let him curse for the Lord has told him to. It may be that the Lord will see my distress and repay me with good for the cursing I am receiving today."

In Psalm 3:3-5 David says, "You are a shield around me, O Lord; You bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from His holy hill. I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me."

In Psalm 4:4 David says, "In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds search your hearts and be silent."

Say “I’m better and wiser than that!”

Oh it’s been almost a month now since one of my, if not the only and the most, excruciating and obnoxious encounters with… let’s just say another mortal being, capable of being taunted by mundane things and giving in and leaving you hanging just like that, had passed.

To be fair though, a month before that obscene experience was the doom of our 10 years 8 months bond. Let’s just call it that way. So maybe, just maybe, for him he has now the total freedom to do whatever pleases him, whoever gets hurt or affected. End is end. Hence, so be it.

By the way, it was his personal decision to cut the strings. He welcomed me with that good news (as I see it now) the very day I arrived from a good vacation with my family back home.

Sure things were hard at first. Initially, I had a lot of questions to ask and things to say to practically almost every person in front of me, not discounting him. But I’m wiser than that… I kept my mouth shut and just rolled with the punches.

I have a good friend who stayed beside me through and through my journey in that dark tunnel of adjustment, perhaps. No no no, let’s call it… my journey along the foggy avenue of adjustment.

She never got tired of asking me how I was. That time, I didn’t feel like verbalizing all that I felt and gone through thinking that my feelings’ natural death would just be delayed.

Yes I opened up. I needed  that. But only vague ideas and only a fourth of my experiences had I unlocked.

I was already okay with seeing people or being surrounded by a friend or two. I was fine with that. I wanted to keep my mouth shut and just open up few things when my chest almost outburst.

The only One whom I was spilling everything to was my Man, my God. Whenever I felt like crying or panicking or shouting or asking a lot of things I just went to His place. The solemn Adoration Chapel has been my comfort zone and courage zone, at the same time.

His place was a couple of blocks away from home. I enjoyed every walk to the shabby chic place. As I walk I could free my mind up. I could think better and breathe comfortably. There I could think of gradually forgiving and even thanking him for what he had done to me.

Just like my easy walks, the days passed unnoticed. The keen-to-details in me knew its place. Since I told myself to train my mind, my sharp memory just operates when necessary and hibernates when becoming unhelpful.

Since day one until now, my safest and most comfortable refuge is Him. After all the pain the separation had caused me and the fast-paced, faster than a bullet train, events that really overwhelmed me, only Him gave me a total power-rest and freshing up.

Fortunately God is in the business of filling up vacuum and empty spaces in our lives.

So instead of just letting my energy fritter away and letting myself drown into the murky situation, I went to Him and decided to give up everything and to give my all as I raised the white flag.

Only when we totally, as in totally, surrender to Him all our worries and fears can He totally work into our lives—filling us up with all the strength and wisdom we need so we can turn the situation around and still be grateful about everything.

Now I see the situation as a blessing in disguise.

Early this year I sincerely and completely decided to serve Him and know Him better, by then I said we would do it together. But then we went separate ways, but it’s all fine now. Maybe if things didn’t happen two months ago, maybe by now I am still be figuring things out on how I will better serve and know Him.

In the last two months, I was always greeted by surprises each day how He revealed Himself to me… without effort, I have adjusted very well and progressed every day. It’s because as He unfolds my days, He draws me closer to Him—wraps me with the sweet protection of His word and lays me to the comfort of His unconditional love.

There are things that we tackle with friends and loved ones. But there are also things that we only discuss between Him and ourselves. Just like what Abraham did when he was asked to offer Isaac in the mountain.

I am wiser than just depend on y own strength and on mortal’s understanding.

God is asking us to give our all to Him so we can tap all our potentials, and when we feel drained that's the time He steps in so He can provide us with more of His abundance.

With all that happened, I lost one thing but gained a looooooot of great things—know myself better, closer to loved ones, opportunity to correct my mistakes, brighter and lighter life, and most importantly, the Source of all things is holding my hands tightly as I am knowing Him deeper.

Then it’s not that bad to give up some not-so-good-but-feel-good things after all, no matter how short or long we’ve been holding on to it.

That decade? Oh, it was not a waste of time. He was cooking up a good big platter of life’s best for me. Now, it’s freshly served and I’m enjoying and sharing it with you.

Oh I forgot to mention him. I think he’s now enjoying the life he's long been wanting to have (if only he had been honest with me, I could have understood him better and given him earlier what he wanted and we both could have refrained from investing into the relatioship and from hurting each other). But God knows best. He is never late. He's not in a hurry. and He's always on time.

Snapping back to my sanity, I took the courage to talk to him and I told him "I am not mad and I am wishing you well." It helped me to cope with and advance in my life better.

One thing! God is more concerned on changing YOU than changing your circumstances. He is just building your faith and perseverance as He prepares you to receive more and more blessings without getting puffed up and overwhelmed.

The Feast: Six Steps to Optimal Health: 2. Heal Your Emotions

*Proverbs 17:22
- “A joyful heart is good medicine, But a broken spirit dries up the bones.”

*Sirach 38:9-10
- “My son, when you are ill, delay not, but pray to God, who will heal you: Flee wickedness; let your hands be just, cleanse your heart of every sin;”

*The bigger the trials, the bigger the victory :-)


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-What you feel, you can heal.
-Lord puts in us a fantastic system that heals (1. Our bodies have their best repairment; 2. Our bodies have the best army—the antibodies; 3. Our bodies have the best pharmacy in the world—we are able to secrete hormones for us to naturally heal.)

-7.2 M die yearly because of cancer. 85% of all diseases are rooted from negative emotions.

-Pills only relieves us temporarily from pain; but FORGIVENESS is one of the keys to feel better and avoid negative emotions.


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2 ways to get sick (things to avoid):

Too much negative emotions
Too little positive emotions


1. Too Much Negative Emotions

Stress and sickness are related.

>type A personality are prone to heart disease. (controlling, competitive, always rushing, etc.)

>enjoy life; slow down; trust God

>most heart attacks happen on Mondays

Anger and sickness are related

> other people find it hard to forgive


>people who easily get mad have higher death rate (6x) than those who are not (taken from the hostility test taken among doctors)


How to deal with stress:
Ø you cannot pretend that they’re not there… don’t run away from your negative emotions. You can’t escape from them. If you’ll avoid them, one day you’ll be numbed, and they’re still there becoming worse and manifesting in your body.
Ø feel you negative feelings before the Lord and come to Him…pray to Him. Let your problems press you closer to God (instead of making your problems stand between you and God).
Ø you can be yourself and be true to God—it’s okay to air to Him your emotions, sentiments, questions. (Psalm 22 and Psalm 55)
Ø don’t be afraid to ask the Lord why… but remember, they way you ask must be guided and has limitation that is set on trust in Him.


2. Too Little Positive Emotions

>the oil of gladness will bring us good health

>life is too good to be wasted on little things that won’t bring us good.

>focus on your blessings and on good things.

>acknowledge what gives you pain and pray to God for/about it.

>GRATITUDE!—always look for something to be thankful for and happy about.

>TRUST!—when you know that GOD is:
in love with you
thinks of you all the time
has great plans for you
..what can go wrong?

>the Bible has 7,000 direct promises of God and more than 30,000 indirect promises of God.

>1 Peter 5:7
- “7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

> “Devil, you pick the wrong guy, God cares for me!”

>Thank God for what you have.

>Ask God. Believe that you will have it. Feel the feeling of having it already.


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***Challenges and reminders…

change you emotions
reprogram your mind and heart
decide not to be affected by negative people, events, and things
think happy thought (healthy, wealthy, happy)… your emotions follow your mind.
you have a God bigger than your problems
“Greater is He who’s in me than who’s in the word.”

The Feast: Six Steps to Optimal Health: 1. Awaken the Healer In You

*You will be healed because God loves you
*The Bible contains all the nice, right, and good things and the truth.

Journey to a healthy you…

-It’s not about gaining or losing weight; it’s about being healthy
-Read 3 John 1:2
-God is concerned about your health
-God is practical God—you don’t have to do complicated things just to be healed…
-Go away from stressful thoughts, temptations, and spiritual, emotional, & chemical toxins before you get sick; or decide to quit while you’re ahead
-Have a simple faith—God loves you very much and He will do something great for you. Just hold fast unto your prayers and live your faith
-God has given you THE POWER TO HEAL YOURSELF

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Our bodies are designed to heal itself:

1.) Our bodies have their best repairment—it’s in our system.

>remember your wounds when you were still kids… other don’t even leave a scar on our skin because your body has repaired the tissues even without the help of some medicines

2.) Our bodies have the best army—the antibodies.

>chemo kills even the good cells in once’s body. But the antibodies only kills the bad matters in our system.

>what weakens the healers in us are the toxins that we take and the negative thoughts in our minds.

>Read Mark 2:3-5

>the wages of sin is death… sin is connected to disease (when you destroy the

temple of God, bad feelings or thoughts against other people)

>the state of the heart is always connected to our physical conditions

3.) Our bodies have the best pharmacy in the world—we are able to secrete hormones for us to naturally heal.

>”placebo effect” => we become healed because we hold a mindset and a strong belief that we will be healed through that certain pill, which actually has no medicinal effect.

>our bodies can manufacture anti-cancer cells

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-When you’re praying with profound peace, you feel the strongest
-Laughing (endorphins) heals the body
-“Don’t be moved by all that you see, hear, read… be moved by what you believe in.”
-If you’re walking in Christ, you’ll see miracles happen
-Quantum Physics: our body is like a flowing stream of energy; when something is wrong, the flow of energy is hampered.

Quantum Physicists discovered that:
 our brain is renewed/ changed in 1 year
 liver is renewed/ changed in 3 weeks
 skeleton is renewed/ changed in 3 months
 stomach lining is renewed/ changed in 3 weeks

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-Your body is the expression of your soul—if your soul/mind won’t change, your body (physical condition) won’t
-95% of our thoughts yesterday are being carried over today; if we will change the way we think today, tomorrow our thoughts will change 95%
-If your thoughts change, so do your expectations (eg: I know I will be healed and God will grant my prayers because He loves me… then you will expect that you will live a life full of vigor as you enjoy good health
-Are you expecting to be healed or to be sick?
-Our bodies manifest our beliefs
-Love life! don’t expect sickness
-The preacher’s lolo who died in his 90’s once said, after many times of being sent to ICU, “You cannot put a good man down. Kaya gusto ko pang mabuhay kasi alam kong mahal niyo ako.”
-GROW OLD STRONG AND BLESSED! Grow old a hundred, with a body of a year-old healthy man.
-Pray that we may all journey towards good health so we can serve the Lord longer and enjoy His blessings more with our loved ones.
-You have the authority to cast out evil
-If you will pray, God will answer.
-Expect healing and do it in faith
-God has put in your body something that will heal you—best repairment, best army, best pharmacy.
-God gives you the ability to dream and fulfill them
-GOD WILL DO SOMETHING GREAT FOR YOU BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU!

Soul Feeding

“Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.” - Bernice Johnson Reagon