Managing Stress: Breathe and Start Living

Stress wreaks havoc on our mental, emotional, and physical health. Stress narrows our capability to think clearly, enjoy life, and function effectively. It hampers us in our journey toward our goals.

Time flies so fast!

We are now in the second half of the year. I bet many of us need to reboot or refresh…

In the busy and fast-paced world we are living, stress, burn out, tension, strain are just some of the popular words we hear [and experience] almost everyday, may we be at work, in school, or even at home.

If we are living with high levels of stress, our entire well-being is being put at risk.

Stress wreaks havoc on our mental, emotional, and physical health. Stress narrows our capability to think clearly, enjoy life, and function effectively. It hampers us in our journey toward our goals.

Difficulty is part of life, and this difficulty is the one that makes us feel stressed out. We cannot just shut “difficulty” down or be blind about its presence. The good news is, we can manage it!

Take charge of your stress! Do your best to prevent, reduce, and cope with stress.

The key to enjoy your life in the midst of hustle and bustle? EQUILIBRIUM. A balanced life.

Below are some of the easy-breezy strategies that can help you combat daily stress.

I. Avoid Unnecessary Stress

Managing stress is all about taking charge—of your thoughts, emotions, environment, and your manner of dealing with everyday difficulties.

a. Learn how to say “No”

Identify your limits and work around them. Accepting too much responsibility eats up most of your time and energy. Don’t spread yourself thinly; otherwise, your assets (skills, talents, and good attitude) will become your liabilities because your deliverables would become of less quality, or eventually you feel tired and abused, or your health could suffer.

b. Avoid people who stress you out

Limit the amount of time you spend with your emotional vampires, or those who consistently cause or bring you worry, anxiety, irritation, or complications. If you still cannot prevent them, handle them lightly and don’t allow them get into your nerves by just letting them be and just deal with them diplomatically (like if at work), and do your best to stay focused at what you need to accomplish at that very moment.

c. Take control of your environment

Think ahead. Figure out ways on how to deal with the situations that may arise when scenario A, B, C, or D happens. Don’t push yourself against the stress wall and be stuck, instead, find ways on how to climb it and get to the enjoyable side of life. “Preparation” reduces, if not totally eliminates, stress in every situation.

d. Avoid hot-button topics

If you get easily upset over a certain topic and you often find yourself arguing with people over it, just stop bringing that issue up or simply excuse yourself from the conversation to prevent conflicts that might burn you out.

e. Trim down your to-do list

Know your priorities and schedule your daily tasks accordingly. Distinguish between the “should” and the “musts”; and the “urgent” and the “important. Eliminate the unnecessary tasks. Don’t manage time for it will always be 24 hours a day; instead, manage your tasks efficiently and effectively.

II. Alter the Situation

If you cannot avoid a stressful situation, alter it! Figure out what changes you can do to reduce or prevent stress.

a. Express your feelings

If something or someone is bothering you, communicate your feelings honestly but courteously. Repressing your feelings tends to build up stress and might just complicate the situation. Conversely, opening up reduces your stress.

b. Be willing to compromise

If you want someone to change his attitude or behavior, be willing to meet half-way and change or adjust yours too. That person may also be experiencing something about you that he doesn’t like or agree with. Whether he is the only problem or not, doing your part will help you improve your social skills when learn the art of coping with people having a personality different from yours.

c. Be determined

Delay gratification. If you have something to do, stick to it. Be prepared and focused. If interruptions or distractions come your way, stand your ground by tactfully informing others what you need to finish or by abiding by first-things-first principle.

d. Take quick breaks

Don’t soak yourself in your work. It will not make you the Best Employee in town. Take quick breaks to stretch so blood will circulate well in your body or take a quick snack so your mind can refresh and be able to digest ideas or to release creative juices. During a “toxic” season, avoid overwhelming yourself. Break deliverables into manageable tasks, and do them systematically rather than one-time big time. Committing yourself to tasks that you cannot handle within the day will just affect the quality of your work and your mood.

III. Accept the Stressor and Adapt

Accept the things you cannot change and control. If you cannot control external factors, it’s okay! You can always manage the internal factor—you can choose to do better, feel better, and think better. You can better adapt to stressful situations and regain your sense of control by changing your expectations and your attitude.

a. Don’t force yourself to control the uncontrollable

Forcing yourself to control the uncontrollable (like the weather, the traffic, the mood of your boss, etc) will only create your burn out, and even fan the fire. Focus on the things that you can control and change.

b. Look at the bright side and from the upside

When faced with a problem, don’t focus on its inherent difficulty. Look at it as a good break to shine. Trials are opportunities in work clothes. Once you solve or overcome the problem, it will not only take you closer to your goal but will also reward you with good self-confidence and self-image.

c. Adjust your standard and attitude

Perfectionism is a major source of stress. Don’t be cruel to yourself and to others by expecting perfect results or the best quality of work all the time. Set reasonable and attainable standard for yourself and for others.

IV. Back to Basic

Refresh your outlook and reboot your system by going back to the heart of it all—yourself!

a. Nurture yourself

Dedicate one day a week for a really good rest day. Sleep like a baby. Relax! Do the things you enjoy and love. Have a good time with friends or simply have a “Me-time”. The important thing is you afford yourself a window time to recharge and appreciate your life.

b. Laugh

Keep a good sense of humor. Read funny articles, watch funny movies, or crack jokes with your friends. Loosen up and learn to laugh, even at yourself!

c. Maintain a healthy lifestyle

Exercise regularly to allow your blood to circulate well and to stimulate your brain. Have a healthy diet so you feel  healthy and feel good about yourself. Get a good sleep.

Remember, life is a gift to be enjoyed and shared with your loved ones.

Take care of yourself and live a balanced life!

Protecting Yourself from Vampires

The biggest blessing of protecting yourself from difficult people is gaining the freedom to genuinely see the seed of goodness that God planted in their hearts and their significant roles in refining and molding you to the wiser, more loving, and more joyful person that you are now…or simply the better you.

Do you feel exhausted? Are you fed up? Is someone sucking your energy?

You have the power to protect yourself!

After spotting your vampire, it is important to protect yourselves from your personal vampires; otherwise, they will attack your core and decay your soul or will influence you and make you one of them.

Their national game that exhausts you is the “Damned if you do; Damned if you Don’t” game.

Whether your vampire is your parent, boss, spouse, or close friend, you still need to protect yourself from them so you can love them more, or at least preserve yourself so you can give more of yourself—you have the energy and zest to serve, care for, and love those who deserve your energy most.

You cannot give what you don’t have! If your energy is low, you cannot help others. If you’re stressed out and irritated, it’s hard to sincerely share joy. If your heart is full of hatred, how can you genuinely give love? If you lack knowledge, how can you properly guide and teach the younger ones?

Hence, we need to protect ourselves so we have selves to give to others through service, friendships, and by simply sharing blessings.

But in order to protect ourselves from these difficult persons, we need first to recognize and appreciate that “understanding” them is the key to free ourselves from their bondage and vicious cycle. Still, we need to protect ourselves from them.

Don’t allow them to abuse you, nor allow yourself to spoil or tolerate them. Otherwise, you will bear the consequences of making a vampire in others.

If you love someone, you set him free and want him to be happy and successful… same goes for yourself (Leviticus 19:18, “love your neighbor as yourself.”)

Loving our vampire neighbors does not mean allowing them to stress us out. Instead, loving them means not spoiling and tolerating them and protecting ourselves from them by putting boundaries or limitations so we can love them properly sans the decaying stress between us.

Unless you’re free from the power of difficult people, you cannot understand and love them.

Remember, you have the power to break free and to protect yourself! You will not be tested beyond your capacity to solve your trials, including freeing yourself from your vampires.

We can protect ourselves from the vampires by preparing for their “Damned if you do; Damned if you don’t” game without the intention to hurt them.

So basic and simple like ABC 123. Here’s how…

Be aware. We need to deliberately and properly prepare for the difficult situations the vampires have had hurling at us time and again; so when it happens again, we already know what to do to protect ourselves and go about the situation to avoid further and unnecessary hurts.

Love ourselves. Loving oneself breeds respect for oneself. It makes us feel good about ourselves; thus loving ourselves naturally and automatically creates sturdy wall that protects us from exhausting vampires. Properly loving ourselves results in good health, good disposition, and doing good to others.

Living with a vampire is tantamount to allowing ourselves to be punished emotionally (sleepless nights and trauma), physically (sickness due to stress), spiritually (losing purpose, dreams, vision, and direction).

Damned if you do… damned if you don’t game.

Imagine this: You’re watching TV at home with your older brother. You’re enjoying the show. You’re laughing, you’re learning. Then suddenly you feel hungry. You get your favorite pasta and bread from the dining table, the last serving and the only food left by your mom for afternoon snack. When you return to the living room, your brother is surfing the channels and asks you to give him your food…  if you will give him the food he will eat them all as he scans the channels through the only remote; if you will not, he will throw hurting words at you, bully you, and will still get the food from you and will not let you hold the remote control as he is watches another show.

So what you do…

      1.    Retreat and find food elsewhere

Take one step backward so you can take two steps forward.

This may mean staying away and taking a break, pausing and catching some breath, and recuperating elsewhere for a while.

It may also mean not cutting relationship with the vampires. It may mean decreasing your time with the vampires. By doing this, you strike your chances of being drained or influenced by the vampire (Proverbs 22:24-25, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered  person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.”)

If your boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on you or manipulating you, then walk out and find food elsewhere. If you have friends who are sucking your energy, joy, and peace, then spend lesser time with them.

      2.      Protect your head and eat your food

Bask in the sun, float on top of the wave.

This entails creating an emotional space between you and the difficult person.

If your vampire is your boss, spouse, or parents, you cannot just walk out immediately and create a physical space; hence you create an emotional space. As Eleanor Roosevelt puts it, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

We can create emotional space by imagining, especially when the truth is not obvious.

Imagine your difficult person as little Hercules.

Reduce the significance and impact of your vampire on you. Whatever he says or does becomes insignificant to you. You no longer focus on his sweet empty words or you can take his harsh words as unsharpened doubled-bladed sword. Now, you see your little Hercules vampire shout at you, but you cannot understand his little voice. You see him, but you’re no longer terrified.

Though this way, you focus on the only two important opinions, “First, what God thinks of you—full of potential, beautiful lamb, and a victor; second, your opinion of yourself—who you can be and want to be.”

Imagine an angel coming.

Through this way, you emphasize the element of “understanding.”

You see his brokenness not his badness.

By surrendering the difficult person to God, you let your angel come to take the vampire from your life to bring it to God’s repair room.

Imagine the truth.

Through this way, you give yourself time to “retrospect, honestly evaluate yourself, and listen to the hopes and dreams of the still voice inside you.”

The evil is in the business of deceiving you.

If one wants to become better in whatever aspect of his life, the evil will always try to pull him down, trap him, or to block the way just to keep him chained in his dark, unhappy underworld.

So, “Watch and pray so you will not fall into temptation (Mark 14:38), and  If God is for us, who can be against us? It is God who justifies (Romans 8:31-32).” 

If you want to get rid of your emotional vampires and achieve your dreams, you need someone who believes in you and in your dreams and who supports and cheers you on as you reach them.

There will always be people who will spice up your life with difficulty and challenges, whether they’re conscious of it or not. Moreover, there will always be people around you who will hold opinion about what you believe in or do, and they may even have predictions about your life… but hey, it’s okay!

 

You have a choice… to remain with the vampire or to break free.

You have two important stronghold… what God thinks of you and what you think of yourself.

The biggest blessing of protecting yourself from difficult people is gaining the freedom to genuinely see the seed of goodness that God planted in their hearts and their significant roles in refining and molding you to the wiser, more loving, and more joyful person that you are now…or simply the better you.

FLY! First Love Yourself.

 (Third and last installment, Unfinished Business: Transforming the Vampire will be posted soon)