Thinking Out Loud in My Boudoir: Escaping Reality

This will always be the reality and you can never escape it: you are in charge of your choices (mind) and your happiness (heart). Freedom is a gift. Reality is a guide. Do not escape freedom and reality.

When we were kids we wanted to grow old and assume responsibility, we were curious about a lot of things and wanted to try them.

Now that we are adults, we want to be like children—consciously or unconsciously. We want to be stress-free, problem-free. We want to be free from responsibility.

I remember just a little over the death of my father, my perspective of a lot of things changed and I started to become aware of many things, perhaps necessity dictated and demanded. I believe that was the first turning point of my life, and my “official growing up” was way too early, or so I believe.

Part of my new perspective then was that I should be grateful and excited when I recognize I have a trial. When I feel uncomfortable—pain, difficulty, negative emotion—I thought I had new things to be thankful for and to look forward to. I have new things to learn.

When I was a kid, trials or challenges or problems meant new experiences, new lessons, and wisdom.

As I (we) grow older, we think we have had learned more than enough about life, that we are better equipped after all the various experiences we have gone through in life. So we stop being interested about life and we start avoiding pains and stress brought by problems thinking we've had more than enough.

Little do we know that our knowledge of things, our mind map of our lives and our future, needs constant revision, and sometimes major revisions.

We all know that growth—in any area or aspect of our lives—requires pains and taking responsibility as we face our problems. Yet, most of us we ignore this obvious fact. As a result, we avoid responsibility and suffering.

What we don't realize is by avoiding responsibility and suffering, we either let our problems grow as we hide them and deny them, thinking they naturally go away; or we let others handle them for us.

By doing so, we either unconsciously pet our problem like growing a monster we're too scared of or we give away our liberty and control to decide for ourselves. Consequently, either way, we keep our problem and we hamper our own growth.

As adults faced with problems, we tell ourselves now:
1. It's all my fault, but I'm tired of this. I will let it be, anyway all this shall come to pass. (Blaming oneself)
2. It's his/her/their/this world's fault. I have no control over them. Why should I bother myself with his/her/its mess. The heck I care. (Blaming the world)

If we will not take the time to look at things or situations, we will not be able to identify the source of the problem and the significant problem we need to solve.

With our era, where everything is fast paced and new information is available everyday, we must be willing and deliberate in equipping ourselves with skills and knowledge to be able to keep up with time and grow with it.

Let us engage ourselves with our peers. Observe and learn from others.

Most importantly, nurture our relationship with our very own selves. Let us take the time to know ourselves better—skills, weaknesses, strengths, potentials.

Let's live in the now. Face reality. Take accountability. Embrace and accept ourselves. Know, feel, and believe that we are valuable whether people around us perceive us as such or not.

One day we will be surprised, solving life's trials and managing our time for pain and pleasure becomes natural and easy for us. What will be more surprising is, we will naturally become more grateful, blessing expert, and happy persons.

When we know in our deepest fiber that we are valuable, then we start realizing our need for constant growth and the importance of taking hold of our freedom to choose and decide for ourselves are both indispensable parts of having a good life.

And the result?

We become more willing to experience pain and we become more open to new things because we know that through them we become capable of understanding and helping ourselves, and it's ripple effect is we become resilient, understanding of others, generous, and happier than ever... All because we grow and refresh our perspective.

There will always be people and situations that will make our lives difficult, and that's the reality. Our pains or discomfort will always be part of our lives as long as we breathe. Hence, we need to constantly recognize those which are necessary problems and unnecessary ones.

To do that, we must take time to spot the source of the problem; make ourselves comfortable with it; take reasonable time to study the necessary problem; focus; solve it; and learn from it.

Know you are no longer a child totally dependent, helpless, and problem-free.

Live and act your age. Enjoy your independence in deciding for yourself and utilize your control over whatever consequence your decision may breed—painful or joyful. Take responsibility.

Nonetheless, balance your life by acting your age yet enjoying that childlike gratitude, zeal about life, and courage.

This will always be the reality and you can never escape it: you are in charge of your choices (mind) and your happiness (heart).

Freedom is a gift. Reality is a guide. Do not escape reality and freedom.

-----------------------

Thinking Out Loud in my Boudoir is a column for some of my random thoughts that, perhaps, other ladies my age are also experiencing or thinking of—whether from same vantage point or another. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s just my own voice reverberating in my own world. I will do my best to discriminate my reason in this column, and just write spontaneously the first things and thoughts that a normal lady could think of. Just writing as I think...

Prisoner

We were young and free

Enjoying our burgeoning

You held my heart

Gently you stole it from me

I didn’t see it, I didn’t see it

Til I noticed

You took me wherever you wanted to go

Never letting me go

Now I was a prisnoner

A prisoner of your love

Your cell was the best place

I myself didn’t wanna go

I wanna be a prisoner

A prisoner of your love

We were young and free

Enjoying the spring time of our lives

You walked into my life

I didn’t see it, I didn’t see it

Til I felt you running
Running in my head

And thumping my heart so fast

You locked yourself up

Threw the key

Never leaving

Never stopped thumping my heart so fast

You were a prisoner

A prisoner of my love

I woke up one day

Still a prisoner of your love

The cell I didn’t imagine this way

Sometimes it’s cold

I laid on the ground alone

Waiting for your gentle arms

Wrapping them around me

Sometimes it’s too small

I stayed on the corner

Sharing the chamber

With two or three more

I woke up one day

Still a prisoner

Now finding the door unlocked

Hesitating, stumbling

Hesitating, crying

I myself didn’t wanna go

I wanna be a prisoner

A prisoner of your love

I woke up one day

Still a prisoner

Now finding the door unlocked

But it was still the best place

I myself didn’t wanna go

I wanna be a prisoner

A prisoner of your love

You still take me wherever you wanted to go

Still never letting me go

Told myself,

I’m in cold, I’m in crowded

Cold and crowded cell of your love

I remembered the days

We were young and free

Now, when I wake up

I remember those days

When I was still a prisoner

A prisoner in your cold, crowded cell

I should thank you

Thank you for making it cold and crowded

It led me back to freedom

Freedom I couldn’t have relished again

The juvenile is now free

Free again

Enjoying the time of my life

Enjoying the time of my life

Like never been before

Thank you for making it cold

Thank you for making it crowded

I’m now enjoying the time of my life

Enjoying the time of my life

Like never been before




Just a simple February art :-) I noticed I haven't written any poem for quite a while. I wish I were a  musician so I could arrange it myself and sing it after saying, "hit it!"

Protecting Yourself from Vampires

The biggest blessing of protecting yourself from difficult people is gaining the freedom to genuinely see the seed of goodness that God planted in their hearts and their significant roles in refining and molding you to the wiser, more loving, and more joyful person that you are now…or simply the better you.

Do you feel exhausted? Are you fed up? Is someone sucking your energy?

You have the power to protect yourself!

After spotting your vampire, it is important to protect yourselves from your personal vampires; otherwise, they will attack your core and decay your soul or will influence you and make you one of them.

Their national game that exhausts you is the “Damned if you do; Damned if you Don’t” game.

Whether your vampire is your parent, boss, spouse, or close friend, you still need to protect yourself from them so you can love them more, or at least preserve yourself so you can give more of yourself—you have the energy and zest to serve, care for, and love those who deserve your energy most.

You cannot give what you don’t have! If your energy is low, you cannot help others. If you’re stressed out and irritated, it’s hard to sincerely share joy. If your heart is full of hatred, how can you genuinely give love? If you lack knowledge, how can you properly guide and teach the younger ones?

Hence, we need to protect ourselves so we have selves to give to others through service, friendships, and by simply sharing blessings.

But in order to protect ourselves from these difficult persons, we need first to recognize and appreciate that “understanding” them is the key to free ourselves from their bondage and vicious cycle. Still, we need to protect ourselves from them.

Don’t allow them to abuse you, nor allow yourself to spoil or tolerate them. Otherwise, you will bear the consequences of making a vampire in others.

If you love someone, you set him free and want him to be happy and successful… same goes for yourself (Leviticus 19:18, “love your neighbor as yourself.”)

Loving our vampire neighbors does not mean allowing them to stress us out. Instead, loving them means not spoiling and tolerating them and protecting ourselves from them by putting boundaries or limitations so we can love them properly sans the decaying stress between us.

Unless you’re free from the power of difficult people, you cannot understand and love them.

Remember, you have the power to break free and to protect yourself! You will not be tested beyond your capacity to solve your trials, including freeing yourself from your vampires.

We can protect ourselves from the vampires by preparing for their “Damned if you do; Damned if you don’t” game without the intention to hurt them.

So basic and simple like ABC 123. Here’s how…

Be aware. We need to deliberately and properly prepare for the difficult situations the vampires have had hurling at us time and again; so when it happens again, we already know what to do to protect ourselves and go about the situation to avoid further and unnecessary hurts.

Love ourselves. Loving oneself breeds respect for oneself. It makes us feel good about ourselves; thus loving ourselves naturally and automatically creates sturdy wall that protects us from exhausting vampires. Properly loving ourselves results in good health, good disposition, and doing good to others.

Living with a vampire is tantamount to allowing ourselves to be punished emotionally (sleepless nights and trauma), physically (sickness due to stress), spiritually (losing purpose, dreams, vision, and direction).

Damned if you do… damned if you don’t game.

Imagine this: You’re watching TV at home with your older brother. You’re enjoying the show. You’re laughing, you’re learning. Then suddenly you feel hungry. You get your favorite pasta and bread from the dining table, the last serving and the only food left by your mom for afternoon snack. When you return to the living room, your brother is surfing the channels and asks you to give him your food…  if you will give him the food he will eat them all as he scans the channels through the only remote; if you will not, he will throw hurting words at you, bully you, and will still get the food from you and will not let you hold the remote control as he is watches another show.

So what you do…

      1.    Retreat and find food elsewhere

Take one step backward so you can take two steps forward.

This may mean staying away and taking a break, pausing and catching some breath, and recuperating elsewhere for a while.

It may also mean not cutting relationship with the vampires. It may mean decreasing your time with the vampires. By doing this, you strike your chances of being drained or influenced by the vampire (Proverbs 22:24-25, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered  person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.”)

If your boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on you or manipulating you, then walk out and find food elsewhere. If you have friends who are sucking your energy, joy, and peace, then spend lesser time with them.

      2.      Protect your head and eat your food

Bask in the sun, float on top of the wave.

This entails creating an emotional space between you and the difficult person.

If your vampire is your boss, spouse, or parents, you cannot just walk out immediately and create a physical space; hence you create an emotional space. As Eleanor Roosevelt puts it, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

We can create emotional space by imagining, especially when the truth is not obvious.

Imagine your difficult person as little Hercules.

Reduce the significance and impact of your vampire on you. Whatever he says or does becomes insignificant to you. You no longer focus on his sweet empty words or you can take his harsh words as unsharpened doubled-bladed sword. Now, you see your little Hercules vampire shout at you, but you cannot understand his little voice. You see him, but you’re no longer terrified.

Though this way, you focus on the only two important opinions, “First, what God thinks of you—full of potential, beautiful lamb, and a victor; second, your opinion of yourself—who you can be and want to be.”

Imagine an angel coming.

Through this way, you emphasize the element of “understanding.”

You see his brokenness not his badness.

By surrendering the difficult person to God, you let your angel come to take the vampire from your life to bring it to God’s repair room.

Imagine the truth.

Through this way, you give yourself time to “retrospect, honestly evaluate yourself, and listen to the hopes and dreams of the still voice inside you.”

The evil is in the business of deceiving you.

If one wants to become better in whatever aspect of his life, the evil will always try to pull him down, trap him, or to block the way just to keep him chained in his dark, unhappy underworld.

So, “Watch and pray so you will not fall into temptation (Mark 14:38), and  If God is for us, who can be against us? It is God who justifies (Romans 8:31-32).” 

If you want to get rid of your emotional vampires and achieve your dreams, you need someone who believes in you and in your dreams and who supports and cheers you on as you reach them.

There will always be people who will spice up your life with difficulty and challenges, whether they’re conscious of it or not. Moreover, there will always be people around you who will hold opinion about what you believe in or do, and they may even have predictions about your life… but hey, it’s okay!

 

You have a choice… to remain with the vampire or to break free.

You have two important stronghold… what God thinks of you and what you think of yourself.

The biggest blessing of protecting yourself from difficult people is gaining the freedom to genuinely see the seed of goodness that God planted in their hearts and their significant roles in refining and molding you to the wiser, more loving, and more joyful person that you are now…or simply the better you.

FLY! First Love Yourself.

 (Third and last installment, Unfinished Business: Transforming the Vampire will be posted soon)

Money Matters: Tips by personal Finance Expert Francisco Colayco

Money Matters
Tips by personal Finance Expert Francisco Colayco

 We work hard to provide for our loved ones and keep their future secure. However, we sometimes fall victim to our own pecuniary crimes, such as impulsive buying, living beyond our means, investing in pyramid schemes—the list goes on. We lose our focus, and our heard-earned money along with it.


There’s also the recession, and the attendant inflation, layoffs, company shutdowns, and corporate bankruptcy.


In these times of economic difficulties, a good trick is to start and save early and invest wisely. Having another source of income thus makes for a sound financial management.

 The 20/20 Rule

We often ask, “How can I save with just this amount of salary?” In an interview with Francisco Colayco, author of several financial guide books especially designed for Filipinos, he responds to the question with basic answers: “At any income level, one can plan, execute, and achieve comfort if one has common sense and the right mindset.”


Even if one earns a hefty sum every month, if one overspends, nothing will be left to save. On the other hand, a person with a smaller salary and spends judiciously could have more savings.


To ensure that your basket is never empty, follow the 80/20 rule: live within 80% of your salary and pay yourself with the remaining 20%.


Put another way, it’s like having two horses—one that you ride, which is your income from work; and another that runs with what you pay yourself with (passive income from investments). It’s now easy to build wealth because you have two horses building your wealth for you, he says.


Just let your earnings from passive income roll, until one day you will just be surprised that your money can buy you a new house or a new car. “It’s so easy to build wealth! It’s so easy to get rich!” Colayco added.


So why are people not doing it? Because some are not aware of how they should look at money or generate wealth, while others who are aware don’t know where to put their money.


Furthermore, some people are hesitant to bring out money because they’re afraid of risk and failure. For my fiend who has her own business, “ there are no failures, only learning experiences. But never leap without a safety net. At the same time, always be ready to seize opportunities.”

 Trip to Financial Freedom

“Investing is like going on a trip, you have to know where you are and where you want to go,” shares Colayco. Then figure out how much speed and time you need to get there regardless of your income level. Set a destination (the kind of investment to take) and determine your pace (the kind of lifestyle that will fulfill your needs as you build your wealth).


In planning your trip (business, stock market, trust fund, time deposit, T-bills, etc.) you have to consider three things: distance, speed, and time. Their equivalents in investments are: returns (the promised earnings at a given reasonable period), risk (the capability or the person or company to perform), and liquidity (if you want to pull out your investment, can you sell it?). the three must always go together if you are to avoid most, if not all, of the unforeseen mishaps along the way.


No matter how near of far the trip is, get rid of unnecessary luggage. Pay off debts and increase your net worth (Asset – Debt = Net Worth). Your net worth tells you where you are right now and how close you are to your destination.


Unfortunately, many people continuously look for new investments even though they’re still deep in debt. “If you have debts, you’re not in a position to invest,” Colayco warns.


Leverage is different from debt way before the business starts.


When you pay off your debt which charges, for example, 3% interest per month, you are free from that monthly debt interest and can now save or invest the money, he says.


In deed, you don’t need to be a CPA, a summa cum laude in Finance, or an MBA graduate to secure your and your family’s future. You just need to plan your “trip” by doing a little tightening here and loosening there and by using part of leisure time to look for extra income.