Roar ain't Enough to Make a Good Bleat

The sun is peeping between the chains of mountains. The golden orange cotton cloud is gradually eating the light blue expanse. Life is starting to fill the surroundings—chickens clucking, birds chirping, goats bleating.

Unique, the outcast tiger cub, cheerfully jumps off his flattened thick grass bed and greets the baby goats good morning.

The kids, with their unkempt clumpy fur, look at each other and laugh at Unique in chorus.

Unique was found by mother goat alone, wounded, and helpless in the prairie, so she decided to bring him home and to raise him well like her own.

It's been months already since unique lived, played, and worked with them but the goat's ways just fail to be imprinted upon him.

He cannot bleat like how the goats bleat. He doesn't like the taste of the meals of the goats, but he just keeps it to himself. His coat and body structure is different from the goat kids he plays with.

The kids always make fun of Unique because he is different—big and guttural voice, stripy fur, thick but few whiskers, big paws, sharp claws, stocky body. So Unique thinks that he is ugly; he is unacceptable; he is weak; he is cursed. Unique becomes the laughing stock in the prairie.

Unique starts to develop self-pity and inferiority complex, and other self-images that breed negative attitudes. The once cheerful and friendly unique now becomes aloof and insecure.

One day when the goats and Unique go up the mountain to play. Each brings a bag full of leaves and grass since the season is dry.

The goats laugh at the way Unique walks and the way his tail moves. Unique cannot talk back since they will just keep on laughing, this time at the way he bleats. So Unique contains the anger in his throat. When the goats start to get tired from playing on their way up, they start eating their food. Unique, on the other hand, is still full of energy and his food still untouched, partly because he doesn’t like it.

When they are halfway through up, the goats' bags are already almost empty. They ask Unique for some food as his bag is still full. Unique refuses to share his every time they ask him for some food.

Unique's back is starting to ache while the goats are starting to feel hungry and weak, yet the goats keep playing and laughing on their way up as they keep on making fun of Unique's manners of walking and bleating and his seemingly unflagging strength. The heavy throb in his chest makes him want to tear them apart; but the voice of his mother goat talking in his mind stops him so.

Seeing a river, they all stop for a drink. Unique sees his reflection on the glaring, clear, slow running water. He realizes not only are his voice and coat different from theirs but also his face and size. Unique feels even uglier and more insecure after seeing his reflection. He feels so inferior and unblessed.

To make himself feel better, he seals his bag so tightly so the leaves and grass will not fall from it as they climb and so the goats will feel the pain he feels even just by means of hunger. Unique feels bad about what he is doing to his brothers and friends; but his anger and insecurity shoot up that he'd rather see them hungry than share food with them.

Some of the goats faint as they move up the hardly trailed ridge; others stop at some point to find food; until only Unique remains walking up with aching back and all alone.

Unique reaches the pinnacle, and no-one else.

Unique looks around. He stares at the vastness of the field below. He realizes how big the world is and how ugly and weak and different and lonely he is.

In his sadness, Unique sobs. Until he cries so hard that his voice trembles til it cracks a roar. Unique is surprised of what he hears. He gets scared of the voice coming from within. Another roar comes out of his throat. He chuckles in curiosity and fear. He thinks the monster inside him is coming out due to his uncontained anger. He just cannot control it, he keeps on roaring as he cries in pity and fear.

To his surprise, a bleat fades in with the gush of the wind from behind. It is mother goat trying to comfort him and thank him. All the while, mother goat was following them as they played and climbed unaware.

"Don't be sad because you're different," quips mother goat. "Unique, you are special. You will never be like any of us no matter how hard you try because you were born bigger, stronger, and faster. Thank you for doing your best to be one of us."

Unique’s sadness now melts to confusion as to why his mother goat is saying he is special and is thanking him. Before he talks in disbelief and further skepticism, mother goat tells him the truth—how she found him and who he really is.

"I love you that's why I brought you home and cared for you. I saw your goodness and potentials that's why I trusted you in a lot of things, including how gently and carefully you treat your brother goats, who belittle you and laugh at your differences," says mother goat.

"You are meant to do other things than what we are doing. Your brothers are surely better than you in doing our thing. Your roar will never be good enough a bleat. All this is because you are born for another thing. Listen to the beat of your heart, it is telling you who you are," added mother goat in assurance.

Unique brushes his face on the face of his mother goat. He is moved by the sincerity of his mother goat's words and the love she has shown him since the day he can remember.

Now Unique forgives his brother goats and friends, and most importantly, he forgives himself. He now embraces who he is and starts to unlearn his unfounded self-image as he begins to build a new self-image established on acceptance(of who he is), gratitude(for what he has), and forgiveness(for what his self-pity and insecurity made him to be).

"Go out in the open field, my son. Discover your voice, your strength, your beauty, and your role and place in the field," mother goat encourages Unique.

In gratitude and respect, Unique thanks mother goat and kisses her goodbye.

Unique checks, once more, his reflection on  the river. He practices his unsteady roar and runs and leaps as he reaches the vast open field. Unique feels the lightness and joy of being his own self. He now appreciates his strength, his size, and the purpose of the stripes of his coat.

Still in awe of his abilities and potentials, he realizes that the reason why his back ached as they climbed the mountain is not because he was lacking energy but because he never unloaded his "baggage" due to trumped up self-pity, insecurity, anger, and selfishness.

Now, as Unique accepts his whole being—both what he can and cannot do—he also gains self-respect.

xxx

Friends, go out, experience the world, and push yourself to the limit... Perhaps the reason why you feel awkward or your voice cannot be understood or others see you differently or you don't fit in is simply because you are different... Be bold. Your "bleat" will never be good enough if you are meant to "roar." Discover what you are made of, treat yourself as how you are to the eyes of your Creator, and grow where you should be. Seize the day as how He sees you!"

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I am so happy I am here again! I have been very busy, happily busy, for the past few months that I was not able to write an article... I have a list of entries to write, though. I just need to buy time to sit and type. For now, enjoy the fable :-)

Say “I’m better and wiser than that!”

Oh it’s been almost a month now since one of my, if not the only and the most, excruciating and obnoxious encounters with… let’s just say another mortal being, capable of being taunted by mundane things and giving in and leaving you hanging just like that, had passed.

To be fair though, a month before that obscene experience was the doom of our 10 years 8 months bond. Let’s just call it that way. So maybe, just maybe, for him he has now the total freedom to do whatever pleases him, whoever gets hurt or affected. End is end. Hence, so be it.

By the way, it was his personal decision to cut the strings. He welcomed me with that good news (as I see it now) the very day I arrived from a good vacation with my family back home.

Sure things were hard at first. Initially, I had a lot of questions to ask and things to say to practically almost every person in front of me, not discounting him. But I’m wiser than that… I kept my mouth shut and just rolled with the punches.

I have a good friend who stayed beside me through and through my journey in that dark tunnel of adjustment, perhaps. No no no, let’s call it… my journey along the foggy avenue of adjustment.

She never got tired of asking me how I was. That time, I didn’t feel like verbalizing all that I felt and gone through thinking that my feelings’ natural death would just be delayed.

Yes I opened up. I needed  that. But only vague ideas and only a fourth of my experiences had I unlocked.

I was already okay with seeing people or being surrounded by a friend or two. I was fine with that. I wanted to keep my mouth shut and just open up few things when my chest almost outburst.

The only One whom I was spilling everything to was my Man, my God. Whenever I felt like crying or panicking or shouting or asking a lot of things I just went to His place. The solemn Adoration Chapel has been my comfort zone and courage zone, at the same time.

His place was a couple of blocks away from home. I enjoyed every walk to the shabby chic place. As I walk I could free my mind up. I could think better and breathe comfortably. There I could think of gradually forgiving and even thanking him for what he had done to me.

Just like my easy walks, the days passed unnoticed. The keen-to-details in me knew its place. Since I told myself to train my mind, my sharp memory just operates when necessary and hibernates when becoming unhelpful.

Since day one until now, my safest and most comfortable refuge is Him. After all the pain the separation had caused me and the fast-paced, faster than a bullet train, events that really overwhelmed me, only Him gave me a total power-rest and freshing up.

Fortunately God is in the business of filling up vacuum and empty spaces in our lives.

So instead of just letting my energy fritter away and letting myself drown into the murky situation, I went to Him and decided to give up everything and to give my all as I raised the white flag.

Only when we totally, as in totally, surrender to Him all our worries and fears can He totally work into our lives—filling us up with all the strength and wisdom we need so we can turn the situation around and still be grateful about everything.

Now I see the situation as a blessing in disguise.

Early this year I sincerely and completely decided to serve Him and know Him better, by then I said we would do it together. But then we went separate ways, but it’s all fine now. Maybe if things didn’t happen two months ago, maybe by now I am still be figuring things out on how I will better serve and know Him.

In the last two months, I was always greeted by surprises each day how He revealed Himself to me… without effort, I have adjusted very well and progressed every day. It’s because as He unfolds my days, He draws me closer to Him—wraps me with the sweet protection of His word and lays me to the comfort of His unconditional love.

There are things that we tackle with friends and loved ones. But there are also things that we only discuss between Him and ourselves. Just like what Abraham did when he was asked to offer Isaac in the mountain.

I am wiser than just depend on y own strength and on mortal’s understanding.

God is asking us to give our all to Him so we can tap all our potentials, and when we feel drained that's the time He steps in so He can provide us with more of His abundance.

With all that happened, I lost one thing but gained a looooooot of great things—know myself better, closer to loved ones, opportunity to correct my mistakes, brighter and lighter life, and most importantly, the Source of all things is holding my hands tightly as I am knowing Him deeper.

Then it’s not that bad to give up some not-so-good-but-feel-good things after all, no matter how short or long we’ve been holding on to it.

That decade? Oh, it was not a waste of time. He was cooking up a good big platter of life’s best for me. Now, it’s freshly served and I’m enjoying and sharing it with you.

Oh I forgot to mention him. I think he’s now enjoying the life he's long been wanting to have (if only he had been honest with me, I could have understood him better and given him earlier what he wanted and we both could have refrained from investing into the relatioship and from hurting each other). But God knows best. He is never late. He's not in a hurry. and He's always on time.

Snapping back to my sanity, I took the courage to talk to him and I told him "I am not mad and I am wishing you well." It helped me to cope with and advance in my life better.

One thing! God is more concerned on changing YOU than changing your circumstances. He is just building your faith and perseverance as He prepares you to receive more and more blessings without getting puffed up and overwhelmed.