It comes in the face of mouthwatering food. It wears the most enticing smile of the most beautiful creature. It comes in the smell of crispy money. It sounds like a voice of an angel. It comes in the photo splash of good memories of yesteryears. It’s a pair of shoes that tickles your feet in midst of frolic. It comes in the need to be needed… and more!
Temptation comes in different forms. It has a stash of various masks and it clothes itself with a range of beautiful and fancy costumes that lure our senses.
Sometimes we are strongly guarded by our convictions and principles thus we don’t fall in the grandeur display of the deceiving pit of evil. There are also times when we intentionally wear our vigilant eyes so we can protect ourselves from our weaknesses.
But there are just some times that, no matter how we guard ourselves, we stumble and give in to the bait in the midst of our consciousness.
Like when one knows he shouldn’t give up to the delicious roasted pork in front of him because he has heart problems. Some guys, even while their wives beside them, just can’t resist staring at hot legs when someone in miniskirt walks past them. When one who is in the process of stopping his smoking vice feels full, he would get a single stick and justify that he would just consume half… still, that’s cheating to oneself.
Yesterday had been a terrible day for me… I felt overpowered by evil and I felt weak.
I caught myself ensnared by the enemy when the person who I am avoiding so hard texted me as if he has a humongous problem and as if he needed me because I’m the only one who could give him the best answer. I prayed to ask for guidance—whether I must entertain the message or not.
Before the answer came to me, I already devised my own answer to my prayer and I interpreted it the way I wanted to (to favor my feelings). I thought I have the responsibility to help him as a friend (but it was not just like that… deep inside me I wanted to help because it satisfied my feelings as I revisited our old ways!) What a shame!
So to speak, I did not only talk to him to discuss his concern. We exchanged messages the whole day and we even talked over the phone for roughly two hours after work. Not only that, I almost gave in to his plea of seeing him.
Come bed time, I laid in bed feeling the heaviness of my shoulders, feeling weak, and I was dreadfully tormented. “I cannot forgive you, self! You are so weak! I thought you already entrusted to God everything, but now you’re doing things your way! I hate you!”
I cried myself to sleep… not just because of my guilt. To add insult to injury, I was crying because one, I still love the person who hurt me so badly and fooled me (I loved him unconditionally and sincerely); two, I want to get mad but I can’t (thinking this is more helpful for my moving on process and for my decision not to be maneuvered by anger. Just let God work things out for me.); three, my ego was hurt because I revealed to him my feelings for him; and fourth, I was so guilty!
I was able to manage to ignore him and to move on with my life happily for a long time already. But when he showed up and told me his confusion and suffering, I gave in. I still love him… and I’m loving the wrong person. And I’m loving him the wrong way.
Now, I’m immediately picking up myself again because I don’t want to go back to square one and to fall to the pit of evil—pain, stagnancy, and sin.
As I read my daily bread today, I can feel God tapping on my should telling me, “Daughter, don’t be cruel to yourself. Stand up again and walk in confidence with Me. Just do your best to be on the right track, keep your focus on the path of righteousness, and I will do the rest for you. Because you are my daughter and I love you, always remember that ‘I myself will look after and tend my sheep’ (Ezekiel 34:11).”
I found solace in His word again by reading the Bible. He once again proved to me that surely He is my only Refuge. I must always entrust to Him my circumstances and not be afraid of my walk though the dark valleys for He is there holding my hands tightly.
Now, I just see what happened yesterday as another trial and a chance for me to help the person—I still helped him, I just went beyond my limit. Moving forward, I have learned my lesson and I committed not to fall to the same mistake again. I'm just thankful it happened this early.
Failure is His way of reminding us that our wisdom is not enough for us to succeed if it doesn’t come from Him (if we just make things out of our own understanding). Trial is His way of proving to us that there are things that are impossible for humans, but with Him, all things are possible.
As I write this, I’m telling myself “Don’t be distracted by the things that satisfy your senses. All good things that are not done WITH HIM (assuming responsibility to help others to feed your ego) will not last. Do good things FOR GOD and WITH GOD so you actions can bless others and bless you as well.”
Oh humans! Don’t put your strength and wisdom in the head just like me… Otherwise, by only His single blow, you can ultimately feel weak and dumb.
Fortunately, God is a forgiving and loving Father, who reaches out especially to the broken and unloved, and an indiscriminating Healer, who touches those who aren’t supposed to be touched.
Now I feel energized again.
I smile. I pause. I retrospect. I smile again. Then, I pray.
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